Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I may not forget you.
---- William Arthur Ward

 Survey:
 Questions about love and marriage were posed to kids
ages 5 to 10. Their answers below are enlightening:

 WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??

        "Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and
       you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."
 (Judy, 8)

 "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!"
(Tom, 5)

 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??

 "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually
  gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
(Mike, 10)

 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??

 "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough
bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, cause
she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)

 THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??

 "It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need
 somebody to clean up after them!"  (Lynette, 9)

 "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I
 don't need that kind of trouble."  (Kenny, 7)
 

        CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE

       "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do
        with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
  (Jan, 9)

      "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but
      the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

 ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE

 "Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)

 "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't
 want to do it. It takes too long."  (Leo, 7)

 ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE

      "If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family,
      it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."  (Jeanne, 8)

 "It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like
 anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary,7)

 "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."
 (Christine, 9)

 CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS

      "They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid
 good money for them."  (Dave, 8)

 CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

       "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons'
 is on television."  (Anita, 6)

 "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have
 been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep
 finding me." (Bobby, 8)

 "I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard
 enough."  (Regina, 10)

 THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER

      "One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you
      have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)

        SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
        "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del,6)

 "Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get
 attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)

      "One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she
 likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9)

 HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A
RESTAURANT ARE INLOVE?
     "Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell
 if he's in love."  (John, 9)

 "Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get
 cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)

      "It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They
      like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are on
 fire." (Christine, 9)

 WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"

 "The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he
 showers at least once a day."  (Michelle, 9)

 HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

     "You learn it right on the spot when the gushy feelings get the best
 of you." (Doug, 7)

 "It might help to watch soap operas all day."  (Carin, 9)

 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

 "It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you.
 That's why I stopped doing it."  (Jean, 10)

 HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

     "Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)

 "Don't forget your wife's name.  That will mess up the love."
 (Roger,8)

       Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take
 out the trash.  (Randy,  8)

The following are all quotes from 11-year-olds' science exams:
       When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
  H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
               To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
       When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
  Water is composed of 2 gins, Oxygin & Hydrogin.
Oxygen is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. Three
kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
  Respiration is composed of 2 acts, first inspiration, and then
  expectoration.
  The moon is a planet just like earth, only it is even deader.
  Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down
on them and makes them perspire.
            A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
         Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
          umbrellas. The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the
           borax and theabominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain,
          the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable
          cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, & u.
  The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
        The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
         A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
  Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
  Liter: A nest of young puppies.
  Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
  Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
  Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
       To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
     For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until
the heart stops.
           For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down
to make artifical perspiration.
       For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm
       above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of
the nearest medical doctor.
       For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not
  recovered, then kill it.
  To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
^^^^^^^^^^

Don't sweat the petty things.
And don't pet the sweaty things.
 
 
 

    EXPLAIN GOD
            Written by Danny Dutton, age 8, from Chula Vista, California, for
          his third grade homework assignment to "Explain God".

        One of God's main jobs is making people.  He makes them to
         replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take
         care o things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies.
       I think because they are smaller and easier to make.  That way,
      He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to
     talk and walk, He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.
      God's second most important job is listening to prayers.  An
      awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and
    things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time
      to listen to the radio or TV because of this.Because He hears
     everything there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears,
    unless He has thought of a way to turn it off. God sees
    everything and hears everything and is everywhere which
       keeps him pretty busy.  So you shouldn't go wasting His time
       by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something
      they said you couldn't have. Atheists are people who don't
believe in God.  I don't think thereare any in Chula Vista. At
       least there aren't any who come to our church.  Jesus is God's
      Son.  He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and
       performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't
         want to learn about God.  They finally got tired of Him preaching
       to them and they crucified Him.  But He was good and kind like
         His Father and He told His Father thatthey didn't know what they
        were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.His Dad (God)
       appreciated everything that He had done and all Hishard work
      on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road
       anymore, He could stay in heaven.  So He did.And now He helps
       His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are
       important for God to take care of and which ones He can take
         care of Himself without having to bother God.  Like a secretary
       only more important.You can pray anytimeyou want and they
      are sure to hear you because they got it worked out so one of
      them is on duty all the times.You should always go to Church
           on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody
      you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip churchto do
     somethingyou think will be more fun likegoing to the beach.
      come out at the beach until noon anyway.If you don't believe in
       God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because
            your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God
        can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in
        the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get thrown
       into real deep water by big kids. But you shouldn't just always
       think of what God can do for you.  I figure God put me here
      and He can take me back anytime He pleases. That is why I
   believe in God."

>>> > >><< < <<<
       Why Mothers Cry

  "Why are you crying?" he asked his mom.
   "Because I'm a mother," she told him.
   "I don't understand," he said.
    His mom just hugged him and said, "You never will!"
         Later the little boy asked his father why Mother seemed
to cry for no reason.
        "All mothers cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
         The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering
        why mothers cry.  So he finally put in a call to God and
         when God got on the phone the man said, "God, why do
        mothers cry so easily." God said, "You see son,when I
     made mothers they had to be special.  I made their
          shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,
        yet gentle enough to give comfort.  I gave them an inner
        strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many
         times come from their children. "I gave them a hardiness
        that allows them to keep going wheneveryone else gives
          up, and to take care of their families through sickness and
         fatigue without complaining. "I gave them the sensitivity
         to love their children under all circumstances, even when
         their child has hurt them very badly. This same sensitivity
        helps them to make a child's boo-boo feel better and helps
         them share a teenager's anxieties and fears. "I gave them
          a  tear to shed.  It's theirs exclusively to use whenever it's
         needed.  It's their only weakness.  It's a tearfor mankind."
                                                - - - - - - AUTHOR UNKNOWN
 ><><><><><
When I'm a little old lady
then I'll live with my children
 and bring them great joyto repay all I've had
 from each girl and boy.
 I shall draw on the wallsand scuff up the floor;
 run in and outwithout closing the door.
I'll hide frogs in the pantry.socks under my bed,
whenever they scold meI'll just hang my head.
I'll run and I'll romp, always fritter away
the time to be spent doing chores every day.
I'll pester my children when they're on the phone
as long as they're busy I won't leave them alone.
Hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer,
and never pick up my clothes from off of the floor.
Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish.
I'll plead for allowance whenever I wish.
I'll stuff up the plumbing and deluge the floor.
As soon as they've mopped it, I'll flood it some more.
When they correct me, I'll lie down and cry,
Kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye.
I'll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then
when they buy new ones, I'll take them again.
I'll spill glasses of milk to complete every meal,
eat my banana and just drop the peel.
Put toys on the table, spill jam on the floor,
I'll break lots of dishes as though I were four.
What fun I shall have, what joy it will be
to live with my children....the way they lived with me!
(author unknown)

******************
You Know You're A Mom When..."
<>
1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make
sure they're equal.
><
2. You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke
your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.
<>
3. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
><
4. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
>
5. You child throws up, and you catch it.
><
  6. Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep eating.
<>
7. You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
><
8. You mastered the art of placing large quanitities of
pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
<>
9. Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty
out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office, or, better yet,
in the lobby of a Grand Central Station... and you do it.
><
10. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with
your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking
about and checking on the kids.
<>
11. You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only
one your child eats.
><
12. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons,
while your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
<>
     13. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
><
14. You hate the thought of his wife even more.
<>
15. You donate to charities in the hope that your child
won't get that disease.
><
16. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches
into unusual shapes.
<>
17. You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter
shoots Bambi's mother.
><
18. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
<>
19. You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting
during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips
in without looking back the second time.
><
20. You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.
<>
21. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth
when you say, "Not in your good clothes!"
><
22. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
<>
23. You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions
a day and feel proud that your kid is above average.
><
24. You say at least once a day, I'm not cut out for this job,
but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world

***********

 +O+O+O+O+

THE STORM
            One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother
  was tucking her small boy into bed.
  She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
      The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
     "I can't dear she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
          A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying,
 "The big sissy."

********************
           OMNIPRESENT
      He was just a little lad and on a Sabbath day was wandering
     home from Sunday School and dawdling on his way.
      He scuffed his shoes into the grass: he found a caterpillar,
       He found a fluffy milkweed pod and blew out all the "Filler."
      A bird's nest in the tree overhead, so wisely placed and high,
Was just another wonder that caught his eager eye.
          A neighbor watched his zig-zag course and hailed him from the
          lawn,asked him where he'd been that day and what was going on.
         "Oh, I've been to Sunday School."
          (He carefully turned the sod and found a snail beneath it).
          "I've learned alot of God. "Mmmm, a very fine way,"
        the neighbor said,"for a boy to spend his time.
        If you'll tell me where God is, I'll give you a brand new dime."
        Quick as a flash his answer came, nor were his accents faint,
          "I'll give you a dollar, Mister, if you'll tell me where God ain't!"
    author unknown
   *************
      Class of 2002
     Are you feeling old? If not, consider this:
       The people who are starting college this fall across the nation
     were born in 1980.
       * They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era.
         * They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
       * Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great
     Depression.
     * Their world has always included AIDS.
     * Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums and cassette audio
tapes; theymay have heard of an 8-track,
but probably never actually seen (or heard) one.
        * The digital Disc was presented to Wall Street when they were
        1 yr old
      * From their earliest years, a camera was something you used
   once and threw away.
         . As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.
        . Few have used a TV set with only 13 channels.
           . Some use the word "clickers" for "remote control", yet they
     do not know why they say it.
           . They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced
     by Sony.
         . The expression "you sound like a broken record"
      means nothing to them.

Kid Logic
><
* Great Truths About Life That Little Children Have learned
><
try, you can't baptize cats.
><
 * When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your
 hair.
><
* If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.  They always catch
><
    the second person.
><
 * Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
><
 * You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
><
 * Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
><
 * Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
><
 * Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
><
 * Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
><
 * School lunches stick to the wall.
><
 * You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
><
 * Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
><

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