"The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them;
that's the essence of inhumanity." -George Bernard Shaw


"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the
constant popularity of dogs."
-- Aldous Huxley

"Precious Puppy Puns"

 Consider This...
     If you can start the day without caffeine,
   If you can get going without pep pills,
    If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches & pains,
   If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
    If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
   If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
     If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when though no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
          If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
  If you can ignore a friends limited education and never correct him/her,
   If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
 If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
   If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
 If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
  If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice
                     against creed, color, religion, or politics,
 Then, my friend,                    You are ALMOST as good as your dog.. 

The Creation Story as told by a dog.

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially thehorse)
to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

**** Things We Can Learn From a Dog: ****

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout
.... run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he
said. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbor said, "Who
do you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no
such animal." Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please

buy me, sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal,
never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest

trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and
was decorated ten times." "Hey!" said the neighbor. "He can talk. Why do

you want to sell him for just five dollars?"
"Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies."

A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read "Puppies For Sale."  Signs like that have a way
of attracting small children, and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign.  "How
much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked. The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to
$50." The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change.  "I have $2.37", he said. "Can I
please look at them?"
The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur.
One puppy was lagging considerably behind.  Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy  and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?"
The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket.  It would always limp. It would always be lame.
The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy that I want to buy."The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog.  If you really want him, I'll just give him to you."
The little boy got quite upset.  He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, 
"I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll 
pay full price.  In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for."
The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog.  He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies."
To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace.  He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!"
We ALL need someone who understands!

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"

 Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday.   Now I do not see you anymore.
 I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.

 " And God said, "No problem!  I will create a companion for  you that will be with you forever and who will be
a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know that I love you even when you cannot see me.

 Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as
you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

 And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam.  And it was a good animal.  And God was pleased.  And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam, and he wagged his tail.   And Adam said,
"Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this
 new animal. "  And God said,  " No problem!

 Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection
 of my own name, and you will call him DOG."  And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and
 loved him.  And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

 After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has
become filled with pride.  He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration.

 Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved,  but perhaps too well. " And the Lord said, " No problem!  I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is.

The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."

 And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam.  And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being.

 And Adam learned humility. And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was happy.
 And the cat didn't give a Hoot one way or the other.


"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance,
and to turn around three times before lying down."
 -- Robert Benchley



"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why
you walked in?  I think that's how dogs spend
their lives."  -- Sue Murphy

"I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards
who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
-- August Strindberg

"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the
hydrant." -- Unknown

*  I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
*  The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
*  I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
*  I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
*  I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
*  I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
*  I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in thehouse when I am about to throw up.
*  I will not throw up in the car.
*  I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
*  I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
*  "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
*  I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
*  The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
*  I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
*  I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
*  I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or mypeople will think I am hemorrhaging.
*  When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
*  We do not have a doorbell.  I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
*  I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
*  The sofa is not a face towel.  Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
*  My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
*  I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.


"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members
of a weird religious cult."  -- Rita Rudner

Please come back and visit all these Canine friends and
please feel free to add to the collection here.



A butcher is working, and really busy.  He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away.  later, he
notices the dog is back again.  He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his
mouth.  The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."

The butcher looks, and low and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill.  So the butcher
takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag and places it in the dog's mouth.

The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow
the dog.  So, off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up
and presses the crossing button.  Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change.
They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.

The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait
for the bus.

Along comes a bus.  The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his
seat.  Another bus comes.  Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and
climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs.  Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of
the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus.  The dog gets off,
groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.

They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house.  He walks up the path,  and drops the
groceries on the step.  Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door.

He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again!
 There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall,
and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it
several times.  He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door.  The butcher watches as a
big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius.He
could be on TV, for Heaven's sake!"  To which the guy responds, "Clever, my eye.  This is the second
time this week he's forgotten his key!"

           All-New Dog Breeds

  Collie + Lhasa Apso
 Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
 Spitz + Chow Chow
 Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Bloodhound + Borzoi
Bloody Bore, a dog that's not much fun
 Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier
Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
   Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
 Peekasso, an abstract dog
  Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
  Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
 Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
 Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
Bull Terrier + Shitzu
Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed




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The Boo Mistress