"To his dog,
every man is Napoleon; hence the
constant popularity
of dogs."
-- Aldous
Huxley
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against creed, color, religion, or politics, |
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The Creation Story as told by a dog.
On the first
day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second
day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third
day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially thehorse)
to serve as
potential food for the dog.
On the fourth
day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the
dog.
On the fifth
day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve
it.
On the sixth
day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man
broke.
On the seventh
day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.
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Never pass
up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
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A man tried
to sell his neighbor a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he
said. "And
you can have him for five dollars." The neighbor said, "Who
do you
think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no
such animal."
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please
buy me,
sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal,
never bathes
me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest
trick dog
in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and
was decorated
ten times." "Hey!" said the neighbor. "He can talk. Why do
you want
to sell him for just five dollars?"
"Because,"
said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies."
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of attracting small children, and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign. "How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked. The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50." The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. "I have $2.37", he said. "Can I please look at them?" The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?" The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame. The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy that I want to buy."The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you." The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for." The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies." To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!" We ALL need someone who understands! |
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"
Adam
said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday.
Now I do not see you anymore.
I am
lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love
me.
" And
God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that
will be with you forever and who will be
a reflection
of my love for you, so that you will know that I love you even when you
cannot see me.
Regardless
of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion
will accept you as
you are and
will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God
created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good
animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased
to be with Adam, and he wagged his tail. And Adam said,
"Lord, I have
already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name
for this
new
animal. " And God said, " No problem!
Because
I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his
name will be a reflection
of my
own name, and you will call him DOG." And Dog lived with Adam and
was a companion to him and
loved
him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content
and wagged his tail.
After
a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and
said, "Lord, Adam has
become filled
with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he
is worthy of adoration.
Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well. " And the Lord said, " No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is.
The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being.
And Adam
learned humility. And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And
Dog was happy.
And
the cat didn't give a Hoot one way or the other.
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CLICK HERE
"A dog teaches
a boy fidelity, perseverance,
and to turn
around three times before lying down."
-- Robert
Benchley
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CLICK HERE
"Did you ever
walk into a room and forget why
you walked
in? I think that's how dogs spend
their lives."
-- Sue Murphy
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CLICK HERE
"I loathe
people who keep dogs. They are cowards
who haven't
got the guts to bite people themselves."
-- August
Strindberg
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CLICK HERE
"Some days
you're the dog; some days you're the
hydrant."
-- Unknown
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CLICK HERE
"I wonder
if other dogs think poodles are members
of a weird
religious cult." -- Rita Rudner
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Please come back and visit all these Canine
friends and
please feel free to add to the collection
here.
JUST EMAIL
ME.
Thanks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE DOG
A butcher is
working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos
him away. later, he
notices the
dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog
has a note in his
mouth.
The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a
leg of lamb, please."
The butcher
looks, and low and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill.
So the butcher
takes the
money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag and places it in the dog's mouth.
The butcher
is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up
shop and follow
the dog.
So, off he goes.
The dog is
walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the
bag, jumps up
and presses
the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the
lights to change.
They do, and
he walks across the road, with the butcher following.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.
The butcher
is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one
of the seats to wait
for the bus.
Along comes
a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number,
and goes back to his
seat.
Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices
it's the right bus, and
climbs on.
The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels
thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves
to the front of
the bus, and
standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The
dog gets off,
groceries
still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.
They walk down
the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path,
and drops the
groceries
on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and
throws himself -whap!- against the door.
He goes back
down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the
door again!
There's
no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on
a narrow wall,
and walks
along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head
against it
several times.
He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher
watches as a
big guy opens
the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.
The butcher
runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is a
genius.He
could be on
TV, for Heaven's sake!" To which the guy responds, "Clever, my eye.
This is the second
time this
week he's forgotten his key!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All-New Dog Breeds
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RETURN TO
WHERE YOU WANT TO BE
BY CLICKING
ON ONE OF
THE
ITEMS BELOW
or 
RETURN HOME
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mail to
The Boo Mistress
