When asked how long I would live, the doctor said "untill God Wants you".
I try to be really obnoxious so God won't want me yet.

Sit quietly.
Close your eyes.
Do not try to do anything.
Feel the spark of life moving within you.
Sit and Appreciate the feeling for a while.

Hang onto dear life with both hands.
I have an abiding distrust of anything that moves and gets
plugged  into the same place one would plugs a toaster.

God Knows...
When you are tired and discouraged from fruitless effort,
GOD knows how hard you have tried.
When you've cried so long your
heart is in anguish, GOD has counted your tears.
If you feel that your life is on hold
and time has passed you by, GOD is waiting for you.
When nothing makes sense and you
are confused or frustrated, GOD has the answer.
If suddenly your outlook is brighter
and you find traces of hope, GOD has whispered to you.
When things are going well and you
have much to be thankful for, GOD has blessed you.
When something joyful happens and you are filled with awe,
GOD has smiled upon you. Remember that wherever you are or
whatever you are feeling, GOD knows.

From a Cyberfriend
"suzie" <hdbikerchick11@home.com>
Dear Olivija;
I am reading a good short story book... "To cut a long story short" by Jeffrey Archer. The first story is not
written by him but is a vignette that has a life of its own! It is called "Death Speaks" I am very moved by it!
It was originally translated from the Arabic, and despite extensive research, the author remains "Anon". though
the tale appeared in Somerset Maugham's play Sheppey, and later as a preface to john O'Hara's Appointment
in Samarra.
I hope you enjoy it!

              DEATH speaks
There was a merchant in bagdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant
came back, white and trembling, and said, master, just now when i was in the market-place i was jostled by a
woman in the crowd and when i turned i saw it was DEATH that jostled me. She looked at me and made a threatening
gesture; now, lend me your horse, and i will ride away from this city and avoid my fate. i will go to Samarra  and
there death will not find me. the merchant lent him his horse, and the servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its
flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went.  Then the merchant went down to the market-place and saw
DEATH standing in the crowd. The merchant walked up to DEATH and said, "Why did you make a threatening
gesture to my servant when you saw him this morning?"  "That was not a threatening gesture", DEATH said,
"It was only a start of surprise. i was astonished to see him in Bagdad, for i had an appointment with him tonight in

A Good Death
The Dying Experience
Death Cultures and Customs

Sharon Pennington
 Sharon Pennington passed on Wednesday January 3, 2001
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.

 -- Jack London

Activity and sadness are incompatible.
 -- Christian Bovee

Karen (Kiwi) Hoelzel passed on Thursday  January 4, 2001

Jeff McGuiggan oassed on Sunday January 7, 2001.

Linda Shriver passed on Sunday January 7, 2001


"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace
there may be in silence.  As far as possible without surrender be on
good terms with all persons.  Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and
listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their
story.  Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the
spirit.  If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or
bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.  Keep interested in
your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue
there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full
of heroism.  Be yourself.  Especially, do not feign affection.  Neither be
cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is
as perennial as the grass.  Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.  Nurture strength of spirit to
shield you in sudden misfortune.  But do not distress yourself with dark
imaginings.  Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.  Beyond a
wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the
universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be
here.  And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is
unfolding as it should.  Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you
conceive Him to be.  And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the
noisy confusion of life keep peace in your soul.  With all its sham,
drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.  Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy."

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights
out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a hearse for the last
25 years!"

 Pat Lucus passed away on Wednesday Jan 10th 

    Pat passed away on Jan 10th at 3PM. She had a long hard struggle after her lung transplant. She survived the transplant,
The TTP and was able to come home for Christmas. She was discharged from the hospital on Dec. 14th and spent 12
days at home. She was on O2 and a Bi-Pap at night. She was doing OK! for a few days but  as some of you know when they
did her transplant the nerve that controls the right diaphragm was cut and she had no assistance from it to help her breath.
She was recovering  without it, but it was a slow process. The Doctor's had hoped her chest muscles would be strong
enough to make the lung work better. She had been in the hospital (UCSF San Francisco) for five and a half months
before being released. Pat spent Christmas Eve in the emergency room at UCSF. She was producing more mucus than
she could cough-up. They suctioned her through her trachea tube opening which hadn't healed yet. Afterwards they
super glued and sewed the opening closed.
She felt much better and we got home about 10 PM Christmas Eve. Christmas she day got up feeling pretty good but
still retained a lot of mucus.  Pat had a wonderful Christmas, day. Two of our children and their families were able to
be there. Pat's sister provided the meal with all the trimmings. We ate, talked and thoroughly enjoyed the day.
    The next day Pat woke up not feeling well and by afternoon I took her to the local emergency room. They conferred
with the UCSF transplant doctor, and Pat was transported by ambulance to UCSF Hospital. She arrived at 4AM on
the 27th. She was back on the ventilator by afternoon. The doctors treated her for infection and rejection.
By Jan. 4th Pat was sedated and put on two ventilators, one for each lung at different pressures etc. Pat never was
able to recover.  The doctors I believe did everything they could. The Nurses, RT'S and staff gave her excellent care.
On January 10th the Doctors said to get the family together it was time to let her go. Pat decided (I know) to not make
us go through the process of taking her off life support and live with that. Her blood pressure started to drop very
slowly, as if waiting for our two sons to arrive before going. Pat left this world I think on her on terms. It was as if
she was giving us time to say goodbye.  Our daughter, Pats sister and I were with Pat . Our sons arrived about an
hour after her passing and were able to say their goodbye.

Pat left a letter with last wishes that I did not know about.  She told a friend she had left a list.  The following is a
poem she left for us.

Thoughts by Thomas Coughenour /3/16/97
    It is so quiet this Sunday Morning. I wonder if we're allowed to talk about God on our obscure network. No, not that
God of those ubiquitous, pathetic, television scripture-quoting bible-thumpers. No I mean MY GOD.
    She's the one our fancy scientists with all their fancy equipment have failed to name.  All they've managed is to
designate Her as"that entity right before the Big Bang."  Unable to admit their ignorance like the rest of us, they
inadequately call Her the "Point  of Singularity."
Now that Dr. Sagan is up there with Her, maybe he can help clarify my God...She's the one that created his "billyuns
upon billyuns" of galaxies.  She,d be the one that gives us our shining existences, those tiny cracks of light between
the two eternities of darkness. That,s the one.
    She's the one that made me, me and made you--you. Even so these individual mysteries we call "us" remain to
tantalize. Neither in  our environment nor in our heredity can we find the exact instrument that fashioned each of us
individually. That force that has pressed upon our lives a certain, intricate watermark whose unique design becomes
visible only on certain verify quiet Sunday mornings....shhhhh...I think I can
hear her rustling through the trees..............

Pat enjoyed life , she believed in living in the moment. I miss Her so much, but know she is breathing easy.

                                                         Thank all of you!!!!
                                                      (her husband)  Luke

Subject:    [COPD] The Sadist Day in My Life!!!
   Date:  Sun, 14 Jan 2001 21:32:39 -0800
   From:   Mickey J Shriver <mickey.shriver@JUNO.COM>

Hello Dear Friends,
Today is the sadist day in my life as I went with my two daughters and sister-in-law and my good friend on a sail boat out of Newport
Beach, California and tossed my wife Linda's ashes into the ocean.  My wife loved sailing. This was her wish and was only fitting and
proper.  So now begins the dailly healing in all of us. We are deeply saddened by the passing of my wife and the children's mother.

Linda had been a COPD patient and bedridden for over four years. We are all of the Christian faith and are very happy that she is
in the Lord's Home and that there isn't any more suffering on her part. As for Linda she is dancing and breathing deeply there in Heaven and would not come back here for anything. It was very hard to see her suffer all these years as she struggled for breaths.
My heart goes out to all of you who have the disease. One of the first things we did after her death was to flush down the toilet
all her medicines and the first to go down was Prednisone!

Linda was a very young 60 years old and I am 67. I find it very difficult going to sleep at night and everything in our home has memories.
My good friend Rod lost his wife two years ago and told me that only time will heal.

To those of you out there on the COPD line that have send me wonderful and loving wishes and all the prayers may I say to you
that I appreciate you very much.

In closing I want to say thank you again and trust in the Lord as he will bring you through anything!

I intend to keep the COPD line updated on my healing, as this line helped Linda and I so many times.

Bonnie Dukart passed on Friday January 19, 2001
I am sorry to report that Bonnie Dukart had complications after her transplant and did not survive. She had heart complications
that filled her lungs with fluid. Prayers are asked for her family and friends.  Bonnie Dukart, who served as PHA's president for
3 years.  Bonnie's life was a gift to the PH community. She was the rock upon which PHA was built. On January 15, just before her
lung transplant operation, she wrote an article that will appear in the next Pathlight
(http://www.phassociation.org/connections/Bonniearticle.htm). Her thoughts of others at that time are an appropriate memorial of
who she was and what she means to us

Katherine Bier) passed away on Friday January 26, 2001

Cathy Urish passed on Tuesday January 30, 2001

Cathy Urish -- the rural Elkhart woman who on Feb. 27, 1987, became the second American to undergo a double-lung transplant --
died Saturday at age 50.
She had been among the longest-surviving double-lung transplant patients.
"The fact that the patient lived that long is marvelous," said Dr. Raymond Pollak, surgical director of the abdominal organ transplant
program at the University of Illinois College of Medicine and OSF Saint Francis Medical Center in Peoria.
But the best part of those extra years was that they made it possible for her to realize her most important wish, which involved her
two children. "She wanted 10 years to watch them grow up. That was her goal in life. She got 14," said her husband, Steve.
She made it to two high school graduations and the college graduation of their daughter, Katie, 22. Their son, Christopher, 19, is a
college freshman.  Urish, an Illinois State University graduate, was 36 years old when she received the lungs of a 26-year-old Canadian
woman at Toronto General Hospital.
Her surgery in Canada helped "break the trail" for others, her husband said, because soon after her surgery, the procedure was
available in the United States.  "She was a very faithful person," he said, adding, "Her two kids were her driving force."
"She was very giving and a very courageous person," he said, and sometimes she would be on the phone for an hour or more with
strangers, sharing her experiences to help them make decisions about whether to try to get a lung transplant.
Ultimately, it was a lung disease similar to pneumonia that killed his wife, Steve Urish said. She was in the hospital 2{ weeks.
Until the end, she helped -- even planning her funeral, including what songs would be sung, he said.
"We'll remember her forever," said her husband of more than 25 years.
Cathy Urish had been diagnosed in 1983 with a genetic lung disorder called alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency, which meant that her
body produced too little of a substance that makes lungs elastic so they can expand with each breath.
By 1986, she was down to 90 pounds, had quit working in the fertilizer plant she owned with her husband and needed help caring
for her children.She was in the end stages of emphysema brought on by the lung disorder.
When she was accepted into Toronto General's organ donor program, she didn't get help from her insurance company because
the procedure was considered experimental. Residents of Elkhart and Mount Pulaski -- where Urish had been a special education
teacher -- raised more than $170,000 for her surgery.
Cathy Urish told The Pantagraph several months after the surgery about her joy in being able to breathe easily and lift her 6-year-old
son for the first time in years.
Double-lung transplants didn't occur until the late 1980s after approval of cyclosporine, a powerful immuno-suppressant drug
that helps the body to accept a transplanted organ, Pollak said.
After the surgery in 1987, Cathy Urish was able to return to teaching for several years before complications set in. She remained
fairly active after she stopped teaching but had to cut back when she went on dialysis three years ago. She was very weak for the
last year or so, according to her husband.
Lung transplants remain rare. In 1998, the last year for which final figures are available, there were 862 lung transplants in the
United States, and 369 of those were double-lung transplants. Kidney transplants number 14,000 to 15,000 a year.
Lungs are difficult to transplant because they are so fragile. A lung or lungs must be received from a donor within an hour or two,
Pollak said.
According to the United Network for Organ Sharing, double-lung transplant recipients have a survival rate of 75 percent after a year,
57.5 percent after three years and 48.4 percent after five years.
"She was a very lucky person," Pollak said of Urish's nearly 14 years of life after her double-lung transplant.

Pantagraph staff

Wednesday, January 31,2001.
This is abso;ute;y the last day of the momth and I am so late in publishing this.

"Every new adjustment is a crisis in self-esteem." - - - Eric Hoffer

Dear Dad's Friends,
    I just wanted to write you and let you know that dad passed away on Feb 2 at 4:15 pm.  We miss him so very much.
He put up a heck of fight all the way to the end.  I was fortunate that I was able to come up and spend time with
dad during his difficult time and at the end when it was time for him to go home with Jesus.
    Dad had many friends and made time for each of them.  Our memories will carry us through until we meet again.
    Take care.
   Dad's daughter, debra

Norm Bull passed on Friday February 2, 2001

Mon, 5 Feb 2001
 Rethinking care of the terminally ill
   From:  "David W. Raber" <draber@SHIANET.ORG>

 I'm frustrated with end-of-life care for COPD patients. I'd like to see some sort of support network like cancer patients have,
including respite for caregivers, honest discussions about end-of-life palliative care, and hospice support.

The problem, as I've seen COPD in three generations of my family, is that we take so long to die, to put it bluntly.

My grandmother and grandfather had a jewel of a housekeeper who helped support them for the nearly 10 years that Grandma
couldn't do much of anything but sit and knit. My dad's getting to the same stage, and there is no jewel of a housekeeper.   My
mother is getting run ragged taking care of everything. Twenty years or so, I'll likely be the same kind of burden on my husband,
as I have just been diagnosed with the disease.

Another problem with many COPDers is that they are not in acute pain, they just can't breathe. Because they often don't have
enough breath to bitch their heads off, palliative care is woefully inadequate, and there are still many pulmonologists who refuse
to give anti-anxiety meds "because they'll interfere with breathing."

I have written down some guidelines for my husband in the event I go through a bad spell and can't make my wishes known or give
the doctors a good slap upside the head. I think it's a good idea for all COPDers to do the same -- and to record some of the
frustrations and limitations of their condition for the docs to put in their medical charts. Who knows?
At some point the docs might even read it!

Jean in Michigan

Dear Friends,
 Jim passed away Monday Feb. 5, 2001 at 1:00 PM.
Jim's funeral was on Thursday Feb. 8 at Skiatook, OK.
Jim was transplanted in January 2000 and came through that like the champ that he was.
He had acquired a terminal central nervous system disease which was identified in November .
When the friends and family go home, Lynn his wife, is going to need a lot of support from
her extended family on Second Wind.
Please say prayers and have good thoughts for Lynn and her family.
We will all be together some day and won't have to worry about being short of
breath and having to deal with earthly concerns.
It always hurts to see good people slip away .
George Landrum  (A friend)

Jim Hale passed on Monday February 5, 2001

Elaine has returned home and funeral arrangements have been made for her
husband, Clyde Rester, who passed on yesterday.  All services will be held
in Bogalusa, LA at Poole-Ritchie Funeral Home.  Visitation on Friday,
February 16, from 5 to 9 p.m. and funeral on Saturday at 11 a.m.

Clyde Rester passed on Wednesday February 14, 2001

Gayle Treadwell passed on Wednesday February 14, 2001

        Thursday, Feb 15, 2001
I came across this article this morning and thought that it would be worth
passing on. I use this method myself, to an extent, I don't have a journal
but a lot of times when I have a bad day I just set down and start writing.
Most of it turns out to be junk but it is great for relieving stress and, in
our case, it could be a useful tool. It could be used to record our daily
problems and stress then you could go back and correlate the triggers of what
might be causing some of them. I just thought this was some good info and for
what its worth. Take care, Cecil/ARK <LMontg3322@AOL.COM>
Times are tough. Writing in your journal helps you have a few moments where
you just get to think. Sometimes you don't even know what you are writing,
but it goes pouring onto the pages and later you discover that it's all junk
-- or that it's a priceless record of your own resourcefulness and endurance
<A HREF="http://women.aol.thriveonline.oxygen.com/serenity/journal/">Click
here: Journal Writing -- thriveonline.com</A>

It is with great regret that I must inform you that a dear friend and 8+ year lung transplant passed
away this morning in New Orleans.  Barbara Soroe died this morning at Ochsner Hospital.  For
those of us who knew her will sorely miss her spirit and determination.

Barbara was the editor of our local transplant newsletter, LungTrax.  Her
insight and leadership will be missed as well.  Please, join me in praying for her and her
husband, Tommy.

 Barbara Soroe passed on Wednesday February 28, 2001

Cigarettes have claimed another loved one.  My husband, Wayne, died March 7th from Cor Pulmonale
caused by his long term smoking.  He was age 70 and had hoped to spend our 50th anniversary together in
November of this year with me.  He was diagnosed with the congestive heart failure (Cor Pulmonale)
seven years ago.  His retirement dreams were never fulfilled.  Hospice took over care March 1 and
did help soften the final days, I would recommend it to anyone who can accept the fact that there is
no more than can be done.
He dreaded a return to the Hospital, where he never received enough rest, so he made the choice to
die at home surrounded by his loving daughters and myself.  I loved him deeply but hated the cigarettes.
Mary Hetzel

Wayne Hazel passed on Wednesday March 7, 2001

My cousin and Childhood playmate

Samuel E. Mitchell Sr. passed on Sunday Match 18, 2001
March 18, 2001
The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Ms

Sammy E. Mitchell Sr.
Sammy E. Mitchell Sr., 57, president of SEMA Corp., died of heart failure
Friday, March 16, 2001, at St. Thomas Hospital. Visitation is 12:30 p.m.
Monday at Thweatt-King Funeral Home in Cleveland. Services are 2 p.m. Monday
at First Baptist Church in Cleveland with burial in New Cleveland Cemetery.
Mr. Mitchell was a graduate of Cleveland High, received a BBA in marketing
from Delta State University. He was an active member of the National Rifle
Association, an Eagle Scout and active supporter of the Boy Scouts of America.
Survivors include: wife, Diana Mitchell of Gallatin, Tenn.; son, Sammy E.
Mitchell Jr. of Cordova, Tenn.; mother, Mae J. Mitchell of Gallatin, Tenn.;
and one grandson, James E. Mitchell of Cleveland.
Memorials may be made to the American Cancer Society or the Boy Scouts of America.

To all you wonderful people,
This is my final post. I am Debbie Lafferty, daughter of Barbara Howard. Mom passed on March 22 in her home,
in her own bed and I was by her side. It's been a rough road but I could not have done as well as I did without the
wonderful knowledge and support given by this group. I wish you all the best of health and good breathing days ;))
I cannot thank you enough for all the times that individuals would answer my questions and point me in the right
direction. Doctors and medical folks are good, but not having been there, they couldn't give me the "inside" help
that you folks gave to me for my Mom. Once again, thank you all for everything.

God Bless,
Debbie Lafferty

Barbara Howard passed on Thursday March 22, 2001


God says to me with sort of a smile,
"Hey, how would you like to be God awhile And 
steer the world?""Okay", says I, "I'll give it a try.
Where do I sit? How much do I get?
What time is lunch? When can I quit?"
"Gimme back that wheel," says God,
"I don't think you're quite ready yet."
Shel Silverstein
" What you think
is what you say. What you say
is what you do. What you do
is who you are. Who you are
is your destiny. Everyday think your way
to your real destiny!"

This morning one of member's spoke to Fred's daughter and Fred lost his battle with emphysema.  His lung
collapsed again and this time he did not make it.  We extend our sympathies to all the family.  Kim thought
the funeral would be Wednesday.

The real tragedy in this, is the question of could he have been prevented?  Obviously we will never know for
sure.  Mr. VanTassel was a participant in the NETT study.  He was evaluated at the center in Los Angles.
He was randomized to medical instead of surgery.  This was approximately 18 months ago.  We will always
wonder if he had been allowed to have the surgery, would he still be enjoying life today.  According to
the family the doctors in LA said he was an ideal candidate.

The other tragedy is, had Mr. VanTassel had the money he could have had the surgery as a self pay patient.
His inability to pay, may have cost him his life.
This is tragic.

Fred VanTassel passed on Friday March 30,2001

From: Kelly May <rkellymay@earthlink.net>

I'm Male and of Welsh blood which makes a mule look meek by comparison., LOL.  I credit that with getting me
through a lot of intensive physical training in my past and helping me maintain now.  I have been on O2 24/7 for
a little over two years.  I don't have an oximeter so I don't know if I desat or not.  I crank the O2 to 4 lpm when I
really push it on the treadmill or the weight bench.  I didn't mention it before, but I also do short wind sprints on
the treadmill where I crank the speed up for 30 seconds or so several times in that half hour period.  I don't want
to condition myself for one speed only, LOL.  It about kills my healthy wife who is 16 years younger than me,
to walk at 3 lpm in the mall, LOL.  It's odd but I found if I walk faster or slower than my treadmill speed I get out
of breath, so I started to vary it a few weeks ago.   I considered transplant a couple of years ago and went to UCSD
for evaluation.  They said I would make an excellent candidate because of my physical condition.  My
intercostal strength was off their chart due no doubt to my weight lifting, LOL.  After a lot of thought I
decided against being listed.  I may change my mind someday but the more this disease inconveniences
me the madder I get and the more I fight it.  The thing that aggravates me the most is that it is so time
consuming and takes such a big part of my life.  I don't like having my life centered around some physical
ailment but it's hard to keep out of ones mind when you cant breath and hurt a lot.  Oh well, it's just another
bump in the road and i've been down a lot of bumpy roads.  I just try to enjoy the ride.

You may have heard that Betty passed away, early on the morning of March 30.  Her son, Terry was at her side
and she went peacefully.  I just called and talked to Terry at the house. He said they have no plans for a service
or anything, because there is not money. He siad he knew they were walking into trouble but it is a nightmare.
Their plans are to creamate her ( $1300-1400) and come back later and spread her ashes where she
wished and have some type of service then. I told him about how Betty liked the idea of balloons for Myrls and
he said we can send him regular baloons and he will fill them with heliun and release them when they spread her
ashes. They need to head back to Florida ASAP so if anyone wants to help financially
send the checks to their home address.
Terry and Elise Williams
3140 Birdseye Circle,
Gulf Breeze, 32561
Terry said they had made arrangements for the medical school to keep the body for study but they  refused it about
an hour ago. He has made contact with a relative who has offered to help big time with finances and he is
supposed to call them back later this evening.  walk by faioth not by sight , yea miss you to.
hugsprayers darla

Betty Brown passed on Friday March 30, 2001

Donna Malanga passed on Tuesday April 3, 2001

Gil Crowell passed on Monday April 9, 2001

When an old lady died in the geriatric  ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland, it was felt that  she had
nothing left of any value.  Later, when the nurses were going  through her meager possessions, they found this
poem. Its quality  and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed  to every nurse in
the hospital.  One nurse took  her copy to Ireland.
The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland
Association for Mental Health.  A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but eloquent, poem.
And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the authoress of this "anonymous"
poem  winging across the Internet.  Goes to show that we all leave  "SOME footprints in time".....

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?  What  are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise, Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food  and makes no reply When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd  try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do, And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.....
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will, With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill....
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see? Then open your eyes, nurse; you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still, As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten ...with a father and mother, Brothers and sisters, who love one another.
A young girl  of sixteen, with wings on her feet, Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty -- my heart gives a leap, Remembering  the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of  thirty, my young now grown fast, Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone, But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more, babies play round my knee, Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead; I look at the future, I shudder  with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own, And I  think of the years and the love that I've known.
I'm now an old woman...and nature is cruel; Tis jest to make old age look like a  fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart, There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells, And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain, And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years....all too few, gone too  fast, And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open  your eyes, nurses, open and see, Not a crabby old woman; look closer...see ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an old person who you
might brush aside without looking at the young soul within
We will one day be there, too!  All of us!!!!!!

Bill is now breathing easy.  He passed away at 4:29 this morning with his family beside him.

Bill Powell passed on Sunday April 15, 2001

Wednesday Aprol 18, 2001
A group of Geography students studied the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. At the end of that section, the students
were asked to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World today.
Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids,
2. Taj Mahal,
3. Grand Canyon,
4. Panama Canal,
5. Empire State Building,
6. St. Peter's Basilica,
7. China's Great Wall.
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student, a quiet girl, hadn't turned in her paper yet. She asked the
girl if she was having trouble with her list.
The quiet girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."
The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:
1. to touch
2. to taste
3. to see
4. to hear
She hesitated a little, and then . . .
5. to run
6. to laugh and
7. to love
It is far too easy for us to look at the exploits of man and refer to them as "wonders" while we overlook all God has done,
regarding them as merely "ordinary."
May we be reminded today of those things which are truly wondrous.

Steven had CF. He was 31 yr old. His tx was on 10/15/98. He went back to work after his tx.
This is Steve Pagano's mother writing to say that he passed away on April 19.  I am not a "computer person"
        so I hope this reaches you.  Since Stevie's funeral, I have been trying to figure out how to notify you, and
        many other people he knew over the internet that he passed away.
        I hope this reaches you.
        Janet Pagano

Steve Pagano passed on Thursday April 19, 2001

I said good-by to my kid sister ,Ann Ponder, on 4/26/01.  Her death was listed as a heart attack,
but we know better.  The last three years of her short life (54) was dictated and dominated by COPD.

Ann Ponder passed on Thursday April 26, 2001

Subject: from medical meandering
   Date: Thu, 3 May 2001 09:11:32 -0400
   From: Kathryn Flynn <sarika@MINDSPRING.COM>

We are all dying, our lives always moving toward completion We need to learn to
live with death, and to understand that death is not the worse of all events. We
need to fear not death, but life....... Empty lives........ Loveless lives,
          Lives that do not build upon the gifts that each of us have been given,
          Lives that are like living deaths,
          Lives which we never take the time to savor and appreciate,
          Lives in which we never pause to breathe deeply.
What we need to fear is not death, but squandering the lives we have been
miraculously given.
So let me die laughing, savoring one of life's crazy moments.
Let me die holding the hand of one I love and recalling that I tried to love and
was loved in return.
Let me die remembering that life has been good, and that I did what I could.
But, today, just remind me that I am dying so that I can live, savor, and love
with all my heart.

Nan Burket passed on Thursday May 3. 2001

Hi everyone.  Today is May 10, 2001.  I am writing on behalf of my mom,  Leona.  Since my last note, I explained she
was at rehab and progressing.  Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse and she got pneumonia while there.  To
complicate matters, she also fell and dislocated her hip.  She was transferred to Fatima Hospital on April 29, 2001 for
treatment of both.
I am saddened to tell you all that mom did not win the battle this time.  She passed away last night from complications.
Her physical condition was too compromised to pull her through.  It was awful to see her so debilitated.  She told us she
was too tired to fight.  I quess she knew better than all of us.
She is finally at peace and breathing (quite freely, I am certain) a sigh of relief.  We are so overwhelmed with grief.
The angel we lost has found her rightful place home.
Thank you to all of you who gave her hope and kept her informed and entertained.  We are grateful and appreciative
of your support.  We wish you all well.
Sincerely, Anne Marie Izzi
Steve had two and a half extra years and a lot of quality in that time. That is how I cope with it. Life is for living
not obssessing about our mortality.

Leona Izzi passed on Thursday May 10, 2001

Nancy Wyrick passed on Thursday May 10, 2001

Marilyn Hinson passed on Saturday May 12, 2001

I am Rhoda's son Kevin and I'm afraid I have sad news.  On Friday, May 18, 2001.  Mom was called upon
to return to the loving arms of our heavenly father.  She fought a long and hard battle with her COPD and
she never gave up.  At the end, I was with her and I could tell that she was just so tired that I held her close
and told her that she should rest and that if this was the time that was meant for her to go, then she should not
ignore His call.  I told her that I would be fine and that she deserved the peace that only He could give her.
She passed very quietly and peacefully in her sleep, just as she had desired.  Her one wish for everyone who
knew her was that you do not mourn for her but rather, rejoice, for she is finally at peace and breathing freely
(something she hasn't done for over 20 years).  At this time, I am discontinuing her webtv so that we can
clean up her apt for someone else to use so no replies are necessary.  Her love to all of you and God's
Blessings as well. - Kevin Zander

Rhoda Zander passed on Friday May 18, 2001

Pat Dix passed on Thursday May 24, 2001
I'm very, very sorry to have to announce this, but Pat Dix passed away this morning.  She had pneumonia,
fluid in her new lung and apparently another infection on top of it all.
Anyone wishing to say goodbye to Pat Dix can find her picture at:

Friday May 25, 2001
Renea and Mygrandson Daevid, came to stay with me while Don leaves on Monday for his vacation to Germany to visit
Gina, my number two daughter who is in the Army and stationed there.  She will be leaving Germany and returning to the
United States in September of this year.  She will stop and visit for about a week and then visit some other friends across
the USA.  Her next duty station is fort Sam Houston in San Antinio Texas.  She has already purchased a home there.
My grandson Daevid was here for two additional weeks after his mother left.  We put him on a plane and he flew back alone.
Don and I had it pretty well planned that Renea could take care of me while Don was gone, but, we were totally unprepared for
the week that Don was to leave, Glenn called and asked if he could come here as he was leaving his wife.  He said he just had to
get out of it and away.  This is after 12 years of marriage.  As a mother, all I could say was yes, come home as I love my son and
you help your children when they are hurting.  He came here on the bus from Tennessee.  With his suitcases.  That's all.
No car, no tools to work, no nothing, but , the clothes on his back,  he said he left it all for her.  All he wanted was O-U-T!!!
He got a job the second week.  The first week he unwinded.  Don carries him to work and picks him up.  He has lots of driving
fines to pay off, which he has akready done.  Just waiting from word back from court so he can apply for license here in Pa.
Then he will have to save for a vehicle to purchase here.  It will take him a while to get on his feet and get his life back
together.  While Don was in Germany, I had a daughter and a son and a grandson to visit with every day.   That was when
Glenn started working on building us some French doors for the patio, off the back of the house.  They will be georgous when completed.  Daevid my grandson and I, went to TOYS-R-US to get some stuff to play with.  We got lego's and a pokemon
GOLD game for whatever it is you play them on.  We also got some art supplies.  So days he did this stuff and played outside
Afternoons he read Harry Potter to me and after dinner in the evenings we played board games.  And throughout all the
day and evening we all loved on little snowball.  Who by the way loves to be loved on by everyone.
Daevid is a typical 9 year old young man.  Does not like girls.  Does not like to spend a lot of time outside.  Prefers to
be inside.  Loves people intensely.  Has somewhat of an anger problem.  He is working on it constructively though.
Has a grammy who thinks he hung the moon.  He is more than an all right kid.
More later.

"At the going down of the sun and in the morning we shall remember him".
Words are difficult to find. Keegan died this morning at 5:45 of kidney failure.
It doesn't seem that long ago that we were sending Birthday greetings to Keegan as he turned 17 and he was doing so
well, and then wham! a couple of days later he was rushed to the hospital.  He and his mom's courage gave me so much
encouragement and inspiration.  They refused to give up.  I know he is resting in God's arms now, but he will be so missed.
 It's hard when we lose anyone but to lose a child is so tragic.  This may sound strange, but it is so comforting to see all the
condolences and supportive messages for Keegan and his family.  Like many of you, I fell in love with this family and my
heart is aching.
From: "Dannon Baker" Words are difficult to find. Keegan died this morning
at 5:45 of kidney

 Keegan will be cremated and his ashes scattered somewhere appropriate. Jill said that he never "really* said where,
except to *jokingly* say over Disneyland. Then in about a month, Jill will have a party - at Keegan's request - to
celebrate. Keegan didn't want people mourning - he wanted people to remember the happy times, to wear what they
love to wear and to listen to music they love to hear.
Keegan fought valiantly - and so did Jill.
Kara has lost a brother she could look up to and Logan has lost his best friend.
Keegan had his whole family with him when he went - mom, dad, brother and sister.
As I told Jill, she is a wonderful mother to all of her children and an inspiration to us all. She did everything she
possibly could for Keegan.
If anyone wants the family address, please post to Agnes.Moore@snet.net privately.

In lieu of flowers - Jill would appreciate donations be made to

2672 Bayshore Parkway #520
Mountain View, CA 94043

                       Peace and rainbows, Agnes
"Minds are like parachutes - they only work when they are open."

Keegan Wahler passed on Wednesday May 30, 2001

It is with a heavy heart that I write to tell you Mark James died last week at the University of Wisconsin.

Mark had bronchiectasis as well as hypogammaglobulinemia.  He had a double lung transplant at the U. of Wisc. about three
years ago doing well enough to return to work and many of the sports and outdoor activities he loved. But he developed
chronic rejection last fall and underwent photopharesis.  It seemed to work and the rejection was halted but not before he lost
enough function to be listed for re-transplant.  His wife tells me he went to Wisconsin for a clinic visit two weeks ago and they discovered that he had both pseudomonas and aspergillus infections in his lungs as well as a bacterial infection in his blood
stream all of which combined to overwhelm his kidneys, lungs, etc.
His wife is planning a memorial service and a celebration of his life.  His wish was to be cremated.  She does not know
Mark's password so she cannot tap into his computer for e-mail but sympathy cards can be sent to:
Cheryl James
22756 Nona
Dearborn, Michigan 48124

Mark James passed in the last week of May, 2001

"Making Music"
(By Jack Riemer)

On Nov. 18, 1995, Itzhak Perlman, the violinist, came on stage to give a concert at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center in New York City. If you have ever been to a Perlman concert, you know that getting on stage is no small achievement for him. He was stricken
with polio as a child, and so he has braces on both legs and walks with the aid of two crutches.
To see him walk across the stage one step at a time, painfully and slowly, is an awesome sight. He walks painfully, yet majestically,
until he reaches his chair. Then he sits down, slowly, puts his crutches on the floor, undoes the clasps on his legs, tucks one foot
back and extends the other foot forward. Then he bends down and picks up the violin, puts it under his chin, nods to the conductor
and proceeds to play.
By now, the audience is used to this ritual. They sit quietly while he makes his way across the stage to his chair. They remain
reverently silent while he undoes the clasps on his legs. They wait until he is ready to play. But this time, something went wrong.
Just as he finished the first few bars, one of the strings on his violin broke. You could hear it snap - it went off like gunfire across
the room. There was no mistaking what that sound meant. There was no mistaking what he had to do. People who were there that
night thought to themselves: "We figured that he would have to get up, put on the clasps again, pick up the crutches and limp his
way off stage - to either find another violin or else find another string for this one." But he didn't. Instead, he waited a moment,
closed his eyes and then signaled the conductor to begin again. The orchestra began, and he played from where he had left off.
And he played with such passion and such power and such purity as they had never heard before.
Of course, anyone knows that it is impossible to play a symphonic work with just three strings. I know that, and you know that,
but that night Itzhak Perlman refused to know that. You could see him modulating, changing, recomposing the piece in his head.
At one point, it sounded like he was de-tuning the strings to get new sounds from them that they had never made before.
When he finished, there was an awesome silence in the room. And then people rose and cheered. There was an extraordinary
outburst of applause from every corner of the auditorium. We were all on our feet, screaming and cheering, doing everything
we could to show how much we appreciated what he had done.
He smiled, wiped the sweat from this brow, raised his bow to quiet us, and then he said - not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive,
reverent tone, "You know, sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left."
What a powerful line that is. It has stayed in my mind ever since I heard it. And who knows? Perhaps that is the definition of
life - not just for artists but for all of us. Here is a man who has prepared all his life to make music on a violin of four strings, who,
all of a sudden, in the middle of a concert, finds himself with only three strings; so he makes music with three strings, and the music
he made that night with just three strings was more beautiful, more sacred, more memorable, than any that he had ever made
before, when he had four strings. So, perhaps our task in this shaky, fast-changing, bewildering world in which we live is to make
music, at first with all that we have, and then, when that is no longer possible, to make music with what we have left.

           "There are no victories at bargain prices." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

"But thanks be to God!
   He gives us the victory
                  through our Lord Jesus Christ."
        1 Corinthians 15:57 (NIV)

This is Harry's daughter, Tammy. I wanted to let everyone know that my dad passed away yesterday (sat, June 2nd) He was
in no pain and went very peacefully. Thank you to everyone that sent emails and prayers out to my daddy and my family.
This is  a very difficult time for my family and I, but we are happy that my dad is no longer suffering. To all who got to know
him, knows how smart, funny , strong and determined he was.  I am sure he touched alot of your hearts...he did that with
everyone he came into contact with. Thank you again..I will periodically continue to check the emails. - Tammy

Harry Schetter passed on Saturday June 2, 2001

Penny Brown passed away 11 days ago from a brain aneurysm   It was a real sudden and unexpected thing.
Nothing related to her copd at all.  She was on her way down here to Seattle to visit her daughter and she
 had planned to meet a cyberfriend face to face for the first time.  She called her daughter saying that she
thought something was very wrong.  Daughter contacted her neighbor and they got her to doctor and
helicoptered her to Seattle.... by the time she got here she was in acoma....  was on life support for 5 days
and they determined that she would not regain consciousness....Her daughter said she thought that Penny
really did not suffer, but just slipped quietly away.

Penny Brown passed away on Sunday June 3, 2001

I regret to inform you of the passing of Bob Locke. He suffered heart failure as the result of fighting a long infection.

Bob Locke passed on Friday June 15,  2001

For all the people in Florida that new Hazel Brown her Husband  Brownie Past away last night around 5:00pm  he was her
caregiver  This was so sad to hear because he enjoy life and really kept Hazel going . If you would like to send a card you can
send it to:  Mrs Hazel Brown
PO Box 118
Terra Ceia,  FL, 34250
Hazel was Transplant at Shands Hosiptal Oct -1994

"Brownie" Brown passed on Friday June 15, 2001

Cynthia Grant Montgomery passed away 6-19-01 at 11:00 A.M.
Cynthia Grant passed away yesterday due to complications during her  stomach surgery.  Cynthia was on prednisone
for over 10 years and was on USC's TX list for 3 years but not called for TX because she needed to gain weight which
she was unable to do, then she developed an infection which landed her on a vent back in October.   Cynthia was not as
fortunate as some of us are in respect to support and the care that she was receiving.    Unfortunately this can be the
deciding factor whether some one lives or dies.  Cynthia was very strong in her faith and no longer has to deal with the
long hard battle she has had to fight.... I met Cynthia in an assisted Care facilitie 7 years ago.  She wasn't on 02 at the
time but I knew by the way she breathed that she had a lung disease.

Cynthia Grant Montgomery passed on Tuesday June 19, 2001

~ The Awakening ~

Beatitudes of the Aged

Blessed are they who understand my faltering step and palsied hand.
Blessed are they who know my ears today must strain to catch the things they say.
Blessed are they who seem to know my eyes are dim and my  wits are slow.
Blessed are they who looked away when coffee was spilled at the table today.
Blessed are they with cherry smile who stop to chat for a little while.
Blessed are they who never say "You've told that story twice today."
Blessed are they who know the ways to bring back memories of yesterdays.
Blessed are they who make it known I'm loved, respected, and not alone.
Blessed are they who ease the days on my journey home in loving ways


Subject: THE COPD ADVOCATE: A Voice for the COPD Patient
   Date:  3 Jul 2001 18:08:27 -0000
   From:  "The COPD Advocate" <copdadvocate-owner@listbot.com>
   To:   List Member <o2@olivija.com>

The COPD Advocate - http://www.copdadvocate.com


Expressing opinions of the Publisher/Editor and readers, issued gratis periodically, as deemed appropriate, in the fond hope that it
may positively influence early diagnosis, better treatment, and appropriate support of COPD patients and their caregivers.

The Publisher/Editor accepts responsibility for all content, subject to the caveat that he is not a physician and is unqualified to
offer medical advice, per se.

To subscribe, go to www.COPDAdvocate.com and enter your screen name at the ListBot box, then click the ListBot button.

Address Letters to the Editor to SOBNSA@aol.com

Volume 1, Issue No. 7, July 2001

Dear Subscriber, FYI:

The latest round of visits to my doctors demands that I accept the facts that I have been denying for the past six months or so: that
I am not bouncing back from my recent "episodes" as I have, on several occasions, over the last six to seven years.  I'm sorry to
say but, despite my best intentions, I am no longer able to meet the commitments I have made; the maintenance of the COPD
Advocate website and publishing this newsletter are the last of those commitments I am surrendering.

It is very gratifying to note that the website is still receiving thousands of hits every month and that the newsletter has attracted
960 subscribers.  This supports my contention that COPD patients, their caregivers and the medical staffs committed to their
support need an aggressive advocate.  But it places an onerous responsibility on me to now find and execute a new scheme for accomplishing the greatest good.

I believe that many individuals, or teams of volunteers could easily have done as much or more than I have over these last few
years and could be more effective in the future.  The determining factor is likely to be motivation rather than ability, so I believe it is appropriate to ask you, my readership, to make your wishes known.  If I am able to find one or more responsible, dedicated individuals,
I am prepared to turn over ownership of the website and newsletter and, to the best of my ability, lend editorial and emotional support.  Should I not find one or more individuals to succeed me and carry on this advocacy, I will be forced to simply cease publication rather
than see such a concept die aborning.

Please address all responses on this matter to SOBNSA@aol.com

In closing, I am compelled to speak of the thousands of friends I have made through Internet activities for COPD and emphysema
and am certainly richer for having received so much love from so many people.  I doubt that anything constructive can be gained by
sharing the litany of specific problems that now rob me of the strength to continue in this arena.  I will spare you the details of my
personal situation except to say that some of the problems are respiratory, some are secondary effects of respiratory problems,
and some are independent of respiratory origins.  This has culminated in repeated situations in which effective treatments must be
ruled out because of "complicating" conditions.

With love and warments regards,

Bill Horden

Published by Bill Horden, 7 Whitechurch Lane, San Antonio, TX 78257.
Additional information on many subjects may be found on my website at

Recipients are free to copy and distribute any materials of interest to


 A Water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.
 One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the
end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.  For a full two years
this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house.  Of course, the
perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.  But the poor cracked pot was
ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.  "I am
ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
Why?" asked the bearer.
"What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water
to leak out all the way back to your master's house.  Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you
don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's
house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot
took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some.  But at the end
of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's
side?  That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it.  I planted flower seeds on your side
of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them.  For two years I have been able to
 pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table.  Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this
beauty to grace his house."
 Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws.  We're all cracked pots.  But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that
make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.  You've just got to take each person for what they are, and
look for the good in them.  There is a lot of good out there.  There is a lot of good in us!
 Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life!  If it wasn't for the cracked pots we run into in our lives,
life would be pretty boring and uninteresting...
 Thank you for being my crackpot friends!

Monday July 9, 2001
My son Glenn is 41 today.  We will have a little cake tonight for him and a small gift.  He is now living with us again.
He has left the abusive wife. (yes, there really is such a thing)  He has a job and is working to straighten out his credit,
and other problems from that marriage that has left him emotionally, financially and spiritually drained.
All I can do is provide love and support for him.  He is working in his off hours to build me a set of french doors off the patio,
that go into the workshop.  The doors are beautiful.  Solid mahogany.  This is the now picture half way through.
unstained, without hardware or glass, and with only part of frame completed.

I promise to try to write more in the future about what is going on in my life.   More on this later.

 Sanskrit Proverb

Look to this day,

For it is life,

The very life of life,

In its brief course lies all

The realities and verities of existence,

The bliss of growth,

The splendor of action,

The glory of power.

For yesterday is but a dream,

And tomorrow is only a vision                .

 But today well lived,

 Makes every yesterday

A dream of happiness

 And every tomorrow

 A vision of hope.

Look well, therefore,

To this day.

Subject:  [COPD] Phillip Morris
   Date:  Tue, 17 Jul 2001 21:50:06 EDT

The Philip Morris company said that the world was better off with people smoking. That it saves
money because PEOPLE DIE YOUNGER and it save the country money on medical expenses.

Shirley Mae Ready passed on Monday July 9th, 2001

 Shirley Mae Ready died from heart failure at 4am Monday July 9th in Columbia SC.
Her heart could no longer keep up with the load COPD had placed upon it.
Thank you so much,
Her daughter

Carl Spiotto, Sr. passed on Friday July 6, 2001 

In memory of Carl Spiotto, Sr. who passed away July 6, 2001 of causes unrelated to transplant..  Carl was transplanted
June 9, 1993.  Prayers go out to family, wife Barb and son Carl Jr.

 Gary Anderson passed onThursday July 12, 2001


This is a letter I recieved from Shirley, Gary's wife
My Dear Friends & Gary's "Loved Ones"
You don't know how much it hurts me to have to write
this e-mail to you.  We just ran out of luck and time.
Gary passed away about 10:30p.m. last nite here at
home.  I am desperately trying find some solace in the
fact that he didn't suffer & went peacefully.  I just
still can't believe it, but oh how he feared & dreaded
the "end" of his struggle with emphysema.  He didn't
want to be an invalid or burden to anyone.
He was an organ donor & we will have his remains
cremated.  Plans are not definite yet, but we will
have a memorial service here probably Mon., possibly
not til Tue., depending on how our family members can
make it.  We will then in a day or two take his ashes
to our hometown in Colo. (the place we both grew up)
to be interred there at the Towner Cemetry.
Will try to get back to you at a later date.  I just
want to thank you all for all the moral support you
gave Gary.  He loved you very much.
Please keep all my family in your prayers.
May God Bless.

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy
they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

- Marcel Proust

 Jackie Coots passed on Sunday July 15, 2001

Alisa Pink passed on Thursday July 19, 2001

Alisa Pink, 2 time bilateral transplant patient, lover of Bruce Springsteen music, creator of some of the funniest jokes
you could ever imagine,  contributor to http://papapoo.com website, and loving wife passed away July 19th, 2001.
She struggled greatly in the recent weeks, but found great comfort in letting go of suffering and moving on to a
better place.  She will be missed by loving sisters, brother-in-laws, mother, father, Annette, Sheila, Kaz,
Joel, nieces, nephews, godson, and husband.

Thanks to all for providing her with information, humor, comraderie, and love.

Husband, Rob Peters

Charlie Laycock passed on Saturday July 21, 2001

Charlie Laycock from R I  passed away last night.   He was Transplanted June 15, 2000

Susan Ponte-Kirby passed on Monday July 23, 2001

On Monday, July 23rd, 2001, Susan passed away in her sleep
due to complications from COPD. Her viewing was the evening
of July 25th, and the funeral was at Holy Cross Cemetery in
North Arlington, NJ on July 26th.
We are deeply saddened by Susan's passing, but we recognize
that she has struggled very hard for many years with chronic
illness. We take some comfort in the fact that her struggles
and pain are over.






Mitch Davey - Lung transplant -  6-4-98

Mitch Edward Davey Passed on Wednesday August 1, 2001


STARKE -- Mitchel Edward Davey died Wednesday at
Shands at the University of Florida following an
extended illness. He was 44.
Mr. Davey was born in Burlington, N.C., and moved to
Starke from Gainesville three years ago.

He was a member of the World Wide Church of God, where
he served as an elder, a minister and a member of the
Second Wind support group.

Survivors include his wife, Tina Jean Howland Davey of
Starke; a son, Timothy Woodrow Butler of Smyrna,
Tenn.; his parents, Grady and Carolyn Williamson of
Starke, brothers Michael William Davey of Dandridge,
Tenn., and Martin Eric Davey of Starke; and a sister,
Karen Lenora Redmon of Florida.

"Now You See Him...Now You Don't"
Written by Mitch Davey # 73 / 07-08-2001

      Dear Family,
    In 2Timothy 1:8a we read "So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord." It's sounds strange that a person would be timid in talking about Jesus, but we all are at times. When I meditate on all the Many things that God has done for me I feel all warm and tingly inside : ).
It also lights a flame in my heart to share such treasures with others. So many times I speak only of my burdens.
    Last night, while focusing on getting to sleep, God moved me to pray.God doesn't require us to bend our knees while praying, just to bow our heart. My mind raced to the e-mails of the day and the many prayer request of the week. All of them that God brought to my mind, we talked about. In my heart I knew, that no matter how God answered each prayer, it was for the best. For God always works in perfect Love.
    The last thing that I recall there was this strange liquid substance coming from my eyes? No, it wasn't Chocolate syrup. Yes, I do enjoy the dark nectar but it has yet to infiltrate my tear ducts : ). In time : ).
Seriously, we hurt when someone we love hurts, don't we? I hurt when I'm out of Chocolate too : ). The tears were not all tears of pain, but also of joy. God gives us comfort when we pray, regardless of the circumstances, simply by being there.
    At some point during the night I woke up and my mind was filled with sweet memories of God's deliverance. God had me meditate on the time that my brother and I made biscuits out of rat poison. We were young and it looked liked flour to us......why we were rushed to the doctor's office I'll never know : ). We told them that we didn't eat any of it. I heard my Mom ask the doctor if she should give us any thing just in case and (I still remember this) he told her, "perhaps a whack or two with a paddle." Some doctor!
    God had saved us from eating our own deadly cooking and from our parents wrath. We were spared the whipping....this time too: ). Soooo many times God rescued me during my adolescent years. I am certain that it is far more times then I know of. Angels were forced to work overtime on this boy. I hope that we can let bygones be bygones in heaven : ).
   As the years traveled through my mind I recalled how God had saved me from many dangerous times while hitch hiking cross country. I had been picked up by drunk drivers, thieves, drug addicts, a man with a rifle between he and me, and also just your run of the mill trouble makers and self appointed race car drivers : ).
    God had saved me several times when I had nothing to eat and no money. When sleeping on the road or out in the cold. When all looked hopeless and life seemed more like torture, than a blessing. Logically, there is no way that I could still be here except through miraculous intervention. I was out of control on the open sea of life with my sails set for a course of self destruction. Shipwreck was inevitable. Fortunately, Jesus "reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters." Psalm 18:16 NIV.
    I was lost at sea and shipwrecked on The Island of Despair. It was there that I found Jesus, or better yet, He found me. When I pray & think about those of you suffering (including myself : ), I know that it is not in vain. All I have to do is to think back on what God has already done for me and trust that His Love for us ALL is the same today....perfect, unconditional, and everlasting. "For He has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help." Psalm 22:24.
    How about you? As I wrote in the title, do you see God in your life today or does He seem especially inconspicuous of late? Do you wonder where He has gone and why? Will He be back soon or was He ever really there? Did He simply go out for a loaf of bread or is He in some far away place where He is needed more? God is not limited by time nor space. He created them both
and has complete control over them.
    As I have often quoted from Hebrews 13:5 "God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you", so rest assured that God can handle all of the world's troubles and is still VERY, VERY, concerned about yours too. God doesn't desert you in your time of need.  God is omnipresent meaning that He is present in all places at the same time.  As the Psalmist wrote "Where can I go
from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths,
you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.  Ps 139:7-10.  If you're in the "now you don't" part of the "now you see Him now you don't", just think
back to when you did. Recall and meditate on those times that God intervened in your life. Perhaps in a very BIG way(s) (an unexpected financial blessing, a health issue, a marital issue, a lung transplant, or even with your children e.g.) or in something seemingly less spectacular.
    How about those simple moments of joy that moved you to tears : ). Perhaps something a small as a bird singing as you sat on your porch?  Passing a test, the right words at the right time, a hug from a friend or stranger, someone praying for you, or an
elderly lady slipping you a ten dollar bill at church. I've been blessed to experience them all and more.  Or maybe you have
received unexpected roses from your neighbor : ). God inspired those things, for all good things come from above...from Jesus : ).  The "simple" things in life can be very spectacular, can't they : )?  The spectacular things in life are very simple for God to do.
We need both at times, and God provides. These are not mere coincidences but the love of God at work in your life and in mine. They are reminders that God is nearer than we think.
    If God seems terribly quiet in your life this day, then lay back down and be very still. Shut out the noise of the air-conditioner, the
refrigerator, tie up the kids (just kidding, smile), and turn off the TV and just listen....He is there...., He's always there : ). Take a walk in the cool of the morning or gaze up at the heavens during the night. Notice the celestial fireworks that God provides and
then tell me that you can't see Him : ). As Psalm 19:1 tells us "The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork."
    It is the devil who seeks to blind us from the love of God. It is satan who wants you to "feel" that God has left you. The devil says
"Look at all the trouble in this world....there is NO God!" Yet the devil knows that there is a God for the bible tells us "You believe
that there is one God.
Good! Even the demons believe that--and shudder." James 2:19. Let us not mistake feelings for the facts.  When darkness rolls into
your life, or on those days when the clouds of despair rain on your parade, talk with Jesus. Don't walk, but RUN to Him with all of your burdens, hurts, and tears. He IS Able, and He delights in giving us comfort on those rainy days. Jesus can make the darkness like the light of day (Acts 26:18).  Jesus says in Acts 8:12 "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."  God doesn't promise us a trouble free life but He does promise to walk us through them. To never leave us, and to be our spiritual flashlight all the way from here to eternity. God doesn't play hide-n-seek with us. It's never a "now you see Him-now you don't" with God. He's always there and always will be.
    It is satan who would blind us to the light of God. That's why our memories are so important. If you don't see God in your life this day, think back to that last prayer spoken for you, a hug, a note of encouragement that you received, a phone call from a friend, or perhaps a few roses on a blue day : ). All of these things are gifts from above. How about it....Now you see Him : )? Hope so : ).
    As always written by a fallible human being under the influence of the Greatest love of all.
    My love to you all,


Lung Transplant Case Shows Bone Loss To Be Reversible..........http://www.annieappleseedproject.org/bonlosrevwit.html

UF STUDY: Weight-Training reverses Transplan Patient's bone loss.....http://www.napa.ufl.edu/2001news/lung2.htm

When the Cross gets to heavy.........http://members.boardhost.com/emotions/msg/14.html

The last part of the sermon.........http://www.members.boardhost.com/emotions/msg/16.html

University of Florida Medscape wire........

Fred Hayward passed on Thursday, August 2, 2001

Many of you who follow cystic-l will already know this but Fred Hayward passed away last Thursday evening.
After 2 years of waiting he received a great set of new lungs on June 24.  Unfortunately there were major
complications resulting from the transplant and after fighting all his life, he was simply overwhelmed by stroke, infection and renal failure.  He died peacefully and I was with him through to the end.

He was an inspiration to a lot of people (he loved playing tennis so much he carried his oxygen on his back just
so he could play; last summer he was working on the roof of our house with a 100'oxygen hose to keep him
going) and will really be missed.
Life is meant to be lived to the full.....

Claudia Hayward
(Fred's wife and best friend of 28 wonderful years)

Mette Stibolt passed on Saturday, August 4, 2001

I received very sad news from Denmark today.  Our dear friend Mette Stibolt died Saturday night.
My heart aches. Despite Mette and I being so far from one another, her struggles were my struggles.

Many of the 2nd Wind chatters know Mette as "Cirkeline" which is a cartoon
character in Denmark, that was so like Mette.

A lovely woman who had Cystic Fibrosis, a lung transplant 1 1/2 years ago.  But she lived her life to the
fullest since then and never regretted her decision to have a lung transplant.

We will miss "Cirkeline", our dear Mette.

Joanne Schum

        Sunday,  August 5, 2001


Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know you
love them? I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week and
I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that
needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.

Let every one of your friends know you love them.  Even if you think they
don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words
and a smile can do.

God forbid I die tomorrow.....I LOVE YAH!!!

Kenneth Knipp passed on Monday, August 6, 2001

I am writing this morning with great sadness in my heart. I lost my beloved Ken at 11:55 pm last night.
He went very peacefully and was totally in a comfortable state. That does not make it hurt any less
for me but I am so blessed to have had the 29 years that we had.

Thank you all for listening to me and giving me strength and guidance. I do truly appreciate it. Be sure you
all tell your loved one how much you love them everyday and hug them as often as possible. It is
so important to you both. I know it was for us...He squeezed my hand right before he passed
when I told him I loved him. And he had been basically unresponsive for over 2 days. So that means alot..

We will talk more later

Take Care and God Bless you all.

Judy In California

Brian Moore passed on Monday, August 6, 2001

We are not ok. Brian passed away on Monday night. He had no lungs left and just wore out. He had been
 on the bi-pap continuously since the weekend after he had been moved back to ICU. That should have been
a sign  for me. I continued to hope he would get better. He was started on thymoglobulin on Thursday and we
were hoping it would change things. It didn't. Monday afternoon the doctor came and told Brian's mother and
I that the bi-pap was now basically life support. I almost collapsed. We had done everything possible to try
to get him well. It wasn't going to. In fact, things were probably going to get worse.

We  promised Brian that we would use no life support. It was time to honor that promise. It was the hardest
thing I have ever done in my life. His Mother and I agreed that it was time to carry out Brian's wishes. Brian's
sister and brother live out of state and wouldn't have time to get here.   I wanted  to have my family there so
we were going  to wait for them to arrive and say their goodbyes.

My family arrived and we explained the situation to them. They didn't like it but understood it had to be done.
I  didn't like it either but there are some things in life that you can't avoid or change. The bi-pap was removed
at 7 p.m. and the monitors in the  room were turned off. The nurses at the station outside could still use theirs.
He was given some morphine and we (Brian's mother, my mother and I) sat at  his side. I held one hand and
his mother held the other. He faded away and was gone about an hour later. He was at peace and was
breathing freely.

I have no regrets. We had a wonderful life together. Brian did everything he wanted to do post transplant.
He rode bikes, played golf, worked full time for 4 years at a job he was great at. We had a cute little house
and we had each other for 5 years. That was the greatest gift we have received besides our lung transplants.
New lungs brought us together.

I did have one regret that I did fix. We never had a wedding ceremony. Brian said he would never wear a
wedding ring. I never pushed him on that. I realized that  when he was first in ICU 12 days ago when we
thought we were going to lose him. Some of his friends were in the waiting room and I sent them on a
"mission"  to find me a gold wedding band. They came back and after Brian's mother arrived, we,
my parents, and I and his mother, went into his room and I gave him  the ring. I told him that I loved
him forever, would never leave him and would get him through this, whatever happens. He nodded
through the bi-pap.  He wore the ring for a week. When he was awake he would point to the ring on his
finger and nod to show it  to people. I'm wearing it on my left hand middle finger where it fits, next to the
rings he bought me.

There have been no arrangements made yet. I can't think that far ahead yet.  He didn't want a funeral,
but I think some sort of celebration will be planned for sometime in the near future.

I'd like to thank everyone for their generous cards and emails of support.  Brian may not have been
very aware of them but they mean a lot to me.

I  don't want those of you out there waiting for transplant to be scared off by Brian's story. He had a
wonderful life and would do it again in a heartbeat. Let him be a motivation and inspiration to strive for.
If he hadn't had it, he would have been gone 6 years ago and not accomplished so
much and been so happy. Nor would I.

peace, love and laughs
holly tringl

Olivia Tremont passed on Tuesday, August 7, 2001

Olivia Tremont, the 23 month old daughter of Kathi and Kenny Tremont Jr., West Sand Lake, NY, remains in
critical condition at Pittsburgh's Children's Hospital following dual lung and heart transplant surgery. It will be two
weeks, on the Fourth of July, that Olivia was rushed to Pittsburgh for life saving transplant surgery to replace her
diseased organs. Olivia was given less than a year to live due to a rare lung condition called "Primary Alveolar
Failure" and a weakened condition due to holes in her heart.
An eleven month old donor from Mississippi died in an automobile accident but provided life saving organs for
Olivia Angel Tremont and another baby, Angel Ruiz, who was also waiting for an organ donor at Pittsburgh's
Children's Hospital.
Olivia is fighting infection and organ rejection and is still in critical condition. Tests later this week will show if her
body is accepting the organs. She may also have to have surgery to correct the chest muscles cut during the
transplant. This may help the baby to begin breathing on her own thus allowing Doctors to remove the ventilator
tube that allows her to breath now.
After the initial transplant surgery, Doctors, upon inspecting Livvies diseased organs, felt that she probably
received the transplant "just" in time as her condition would have worsened dramatically this summer.
Olivia's second birthday is July 30th.

If you are part of the pediatric chat, you know about young Olivia Tremont of New York State.
Very sad news I just received tonight, Olivia died this morning.
Please keep this young 2 year old's family in your prayers.  Seems so unfair, she battled all her life and
her parents were very hopeful.
She can rest now and breath easily on her own now.

Joanne Schum

Tremont, Olivia Angel Grace WEST SAND LAKE -- Olivia Angel Grace Tremont, 2, of Sheer Road, died
Tuesday at Children's Hospital, Pittsburgh, PA after receiving a heart and lung transplant. Born in
Schenectady, NY, she was daughter of Kenneth E. Tremont Jr. and Kathleen M. Sprague Tremont of
West Sand Lake. Survivors, in addition to her parents, include four brothers, Ryan Tremaine of Boston,
Mason Brown of West Sand Lake, Kenneth J. Tremont of West Sand Lake and Kale Tremont of West
Sand Lake; her maternal grandparents, Marilyn and James Sprague of Clay, NY; her paternal
grandparents, Anne and Kenneth Tremont Sr. of West Sand Lake; her Godparents, Colleen Phinney
of Baldwinsville and Brian Bedell of Nassau; and several aunts, uncles and cousins.
Funeral service will be held Saturday at 11:00 a.m. from St. Henry's Church in Averill Park where a Mass
of Christian Burial will be celebrated. Relatives and friends may call at the Bryce Funeral Home
Inc., corner of Pawling Avenue at Maple Avenue, Troy, Thursday and Friday from 3-8 p.m.
Contributions may be made in memory of Olivia to the Albany Medical
Center Children's Hospital A119, Development Office, 43 New Scotland
Avenue, Albany, NY 12208.

Jim Turner passed on Wednesday, August 8, 2001

My dear Jim, the love of my life, passed away tonight at 9:30.
Thank you all so much for all the help and support I have received from you.


 Jimmy O'Reilly passed on Saturday, August 11, 2001

Hi everyone just wanted to let you know that my husband passed away in his sleep yesterday morning.
I am still in shock, he was doing pretty good and had been off the cigarettes for four months, and was
using the gum which helped him stay off them so he was  feeling much better, but it did not stop the disease.
 Take care, Sarah
Sarah from NY

            Nancy Erickson passed on Tuesday, August 14, 2001

This is Nancy Erickson's son, Kyle. I'm sorry to let you know that mom passed away this morning at the
local Hospice facility. Her condition was worsening rapidly over the past few weeks, and then on last Thursday,
she got so bad that Hospice recommended having her under total sedation 24 hours a day to negate her constant suffering. She stayed at home until this morning when we transferred her to the Hospice facility so they could
have control over her passing.
Thank you for your kindness and support towards mom over the course of your friendship with her.
Kyle Erickson

Julie Pattol passed second week in August, 2001

If Tomorrow Comes Without You..

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
When tomorrow starts without me
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,

I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home,
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.
You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here in your heart!

Ami Chester passed on Saturday, August 18 2001

Ami's Life's a Bowl o'Cherries

"Do not regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many"

Barbara Meyers passed on Saturday, August 18 2001

Barbara survived LVRS - Lung Transplant - but, died of Lung Cancer

Michael Kreachbaum passed on Tuesday, August 21 2001

He was a member of the Second wind group and he would like for all of you to know this. We all knew he
was trying to get on a Double-Lung Transplant list. He had been going to Cleveland Clinic for tests for
almost 3 years. Within the last year his health had been declining so rapidly, that he visited the hospital
3 times in 8 months. On August 1, he was taking to the hospital because he was having a hard time
catching his breath. About a week later, we were told that this was it, he needed to be put on a vent.
The doctors told us that after awhile, he would have a TRACEOTOMY. He was doing so good.
We got the word last Friday that his body has given up the fight. And that we had a few days to
spend with him. Tuesday morning he was able to have his early morning coffee with God.


"Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve."
            - - - -Napoleon Hill

Dona Lindsey passed on Friday, August 24 2001

"Death is not the enemy; living in constant fear of it is."
~ Norman Cousins

Evelyn Higley passed away on Sunday ,August 26 2001

"Cherish the memories of yesterday.
 Savor the joys of today.
Nurture the promise of tomorrow."

Sandi Olsen passed on Saturday, Septembet 1 2001

Your Inspiration:  No Worries

If we fill out hours with regrets of yesterday
and with worries of tomorrow,
we will have no today in which to be thankful.
Turn your face to the sun
and the shadows will fall behind you.

Naomi Garner passed on Wednesday, September 5 2001

September 6, 2001
I know it has been a long, long time since I have just sat down here and typed out things I am feeling.  Things that I am sure is
the reason you keep returning to these pages.  It is of interest to some what is on the mind of a person who is living a slow death.  Well, this is how I feel today.  My health is slowly declining. (surprise, surprise) I can't walk to the bathroom from the computer (about 20 steps) without my sats droping fron 95 to 90.  Then if there is any exertion in defication the sats wiull drop lower and I
sit on the toilet waiting for sats to rise back up so I can leave the bathroom.  I still go out and do things if I can be pushed in a
wheel chair.
Here is an interesting delima.  My birthday was March 19th and that was the date my old drivers Licenses expired.  But, I had
made arrangements for a mailin drivers licenses.  It came in time but, I had to go down to get a picture taken..  Well, I was sure
if they took one look at me they wouldn't let me drive, so I kept postponing going to get the picture taken.  Pretty soon it is the
end of August and I just decided I'm not going to wake up any morning looking any better than I do today so I went and had my picture taken and Yhey gave me a new licenses.  I can't believe they gave it to me.  I probably will never use it.  But, I don't
want to give it up.  I think it represents my last hold on a normal world where I have had to give up so much, and it is just one
last straw I can grasp onto.  What do you think?
I have been thinking a lot lately about the attitude of different people I know or people on mailing list I belong to on-line.
Lots of the people on-line are in the same boat I am in.  Some are not as bad off as I am.  Some are worse.  But, one thing
for sure we all live with it differently.  I believe it has made a more thinking person of me.   I hope I have learned more
kindness and compassion because of it.  I know I have learned to appreciate everything around me, so much more.  The
way I now look at everything is so different than how I use to see things.  I have learned how much I love life and how much
I took it for granted.  I have just spent a beautiful summer looking at all God's magnificent creations.  I cn't look at a flower,
or a rock or a spider web witout contiplating all the miracle of it's making.  he forest, The sky, The Ocean.  They all
are a miracle of delight for me to wonder about and enjoy.  I never use to think like this.  I never
really slowed down to look deep enough into myself to see????  I can't belive I missed all this beauty
and knowledge until now.  Now that I have not the energy to venture out into more wonders of his
making.  Is now the time to visit wonders of his making behind that closed door marked 'death'?????
They say the unknown beauties of paradise are so wonderous, that they are unimaginable.  Having
never seen beyond that door, I will accept Bibical writtings that it is so.  But, on the other hand,
I marvle so much at the beauty of this material world we live in.  Even with all the 'ugly', 'gaudy',
it still is a marvle, this world of yours and mine.  What do you think we ever did to deserve
such splendor from our creator?  And is what we have done to it a reflection of how we feel
about him and his gifts of love?
Just some thoughts I am willing to share with others today.
And so it goes. . . . . . .Olivija

Tuesday, September 04, 2001 10:37 PM
We took Lou, by ambulance, to the hospital at 3:00 this morning.  He is in ICU - is intubated
and on a ventilator.  The fungus, or whatever, that was found 2 weeks ago in his right lung has
spread, aggressively.  The docs are afraid that it is something that cannot be controlled, therefore probably cannot be transplanted.  If that is true, and we should find out sometime tomorrow, then the tube will be removed and he will be kept comfortable for his remaining time.  He is at Methodist Hospital, Houston.
  I will tell you more when I can.
  Love to all of you and take care....
Lou Gott passed on Friday, September 7 2001
Lou passed on about 3AM this morning.  Our 4 children and myself were with him and it was peaceful.
   Thank you for all of your messages, thoughts and prayers.

   Jennifer  (*-*)
   Don't take your organs to Heaven......
   Heaven knows we need them here!

From: lujngott@aol.com
  Sent: Saturday, September 15, 2001 3:16 PM
  Subject: About Lou Gott

please post the following for me:
  My family and I wish to thank all of the 2nd winders who have expressed their condolences about
Lou's passing.  He so enjoyed the group and it was always a big help to know that someone had
an answer to any question that we might have.  He had such a great sense of humor that he
obviously shared with all of you.  He fought a long and difficult battle - he would want all
of you to SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP,  as he did for so long.
  Some of you have asked questions - Lou had not had a transplant.  The nodule that was found in
his right lung just about a month ago, grew very aggressively and was not fungus as they
  had first thought, but was small cell cancer. If there is anything else that you would like to
ask, please feel free to email me.
  Thank you all again - so much.

September 11, 2001
I have named this day "Terriorist Tuesday."  We all know the acts today against America outdo any previous acts
against America.  I have fears that they had on board more than just bombs and lots of fuel.  What if they have germs
of some kind on board also that was loosened when the jets exploded and it was blown out into our lives with the
explosions that followed.  I will be praying nightly that my over-acrive mind is incorrect, as I also pray for the souls
that left their earthly bodies today.  I will pray for the grieving families that are in turnoil over their loss.
In the days and weeks to follow, how many people will they be able to dig out alive from the colapsed buildings.
Please as you read this, say a prayer for peace upon this Earth.
Please see My page on this topic.
And so it goes. . . . . . Olivija

Here also is an email from a meber of a newsgroup I belong to:

Subject: Today's Events
   Date: Tuesday, 11 Sep 2001 00:04:03 -0700
        Melissa Reta <mooselungs@HOTMAIL.COM>

This is all very surreal to me, as I am sure it is to others. Being 27, I have not lived through the tragedy of war.
We did have the Gulf when I was in high school, but I was not really effected by that. That was totally different than
what has happened today. It shocks and saddens me to think of what is to come. I really can not comprehend it
at all.  The visuals that we are seeing on TV seems like it is in another country, not here, not us.  This in not a
Hollywood sound stage, this is real life, and I am having a hard time with that. It is hard to think that this is just
the beginning of what is an unknown that will effect each and every one of us, and that we are not as safe as I
thought.  I thought I had come to terms with the fact that life is short, and can stop at any time, but I never
expected this. I hope that we all have our families close to us tonight. This is yet another reminder that we
need to let the people in our lives know how we feel. Life is short, and some things can not be put off until
tomorrow.  Prayers with you all, and your loved ones, and the thousands of families that are feeling the loss
of this horrible day in history. Land of the Free, Home of the Brave

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In memory of all those who perished; the passengers and the
pilots on the United Air and AA flights, the workers in the World
Trade Center and the Pentagon, and all the innocent bystanders. Our
prayers go out to the friends and families of the deceased.

If I knew
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I would be there to share your day,
well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I love you," and certainly there's
another chance to say our "Anything I can do?"
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold! your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have not regrets of today.

Joanne Schum
Second Wind Lung Transplant Assoc Inc,

Time to give next of kin a real say about autopsies

Thu, 16 Aug 2001 09:33:24 -0400
From: Randall Benifield <rbenifield@webtv.net>
Heart and Lung Transplant at UNC (University of North Carolina) Randall started surgery around 8:20 this morning.
The organ retrieval team was slow but the organs were in the body while Randall waited. His family will not know much
until 9 tonight. The ICU is 919-966-1692. Randall has 5 members of his family with him including Debbie, his wife and
his mother. Please continue to pray for Randall.  The rest of the story below

Thu, 16 Aug 2001 22:17:50 -0400
Randall is now out of surgery and resting comfortably. His heart is beating normally and his lungs are functioning at
100% capacity. His family is tired but very optimistic.  Randall's color is good and he is in an induced coma. They will
wake him tomorrow. Please keep Randall in your prayers. He is not out of  the woods yet.

Sun, 19 Aug 2001 14:46:49 -0700  I just spoke with Randall's wife. He is doing ok. He had a mild stoke, but is
recovering.  He can move his limbs. He has been off the vent for a short time and he did just fine breathing on
his own, but they have continued the vent, so that he can get more rest, and get stronger. His wife is tired, but
sounded good, and very positive.

Thu, 23 Aug 2001 15:44:09 -0400
Randall has been weaned from the vent. He has his chest tubes out and he is walking and talking! He also has
been sitting in a chair. I am so excited for him. I hopehe can be seen soon.

Sat, 25 Aug 2001 18:33:01 -0400
Randall is in a room now (since yesterday) doing well heart and lung wise but having a little trouble from the
small stroke he had.  He is not allowed to eat or drink yet and it is a tad irritating for him.  Also he is left
handed and the stroke was on the left side.

Thu, 30 Aug 2001 12:40:08 -0400
We have raised over 1,000 for Randall and with the money COTA( Children's Organ Transplant Association)
has raised this leaves us about 22,000 short of his lifetime goal but is a wonderful effort. Local fundraising will
continue for Randall but I was amazed to see about 80% of the money came from people associated with Second
Wind. I know you all have your own financial needs and I just want to say thanks!   Randall had visitors last night
and he is doing well. He will have vocal cord surgery on Friday and if all goes well will get out of the hospital
early next week.  Praise God!  If you would like to help with Randall's expenses, you can send a check or
money order to:
COTA for Randall
c/o COTA
2501 COTA Drive
Bloomington, IN. 47403

Tue, 4 Sep 2001 07:07:53 -0400
Randall is feeling better. His vocal cord surgery went well. He is still NPO (no food or water orally. Just iv.) but
hoping soon this will change.

Mon, 17 Sep 2001 09:17:31 -0500
Randall was to be released from hospital to go to his apartment, when he started having seizures.  He is in ICU
and they put him in an induced coma.  Please keep him and his family in your prayers.

Date: Tue, 18 Sep 2001 04:31:24 -0400
Randall Benifield died of an infection at UNC hospitals. Just talked with his Mom Annette.
They have agreed to an autopsy to determine cause of death.
Cards can be sent to :

Debbie Benifield
C/O Annette Benifield
11619 Pontiac Place
Huntersville,NC 28078
Funeral arrangements will follow.

Donations, In lieu of flowers may be sent to
Second Wind Lung Transplant Association
300 South Duncan Ave, Suite 227
Clearwater, Fl 33755

Annette said they would welcome calls of condolence at 1-704-875-2106.

Randall's arrangements.
Visitation is Friday 7-9 and the memorial service is Saturday at 1pm.
Gospel Way Baptist church
10435 Kerns Rd
Huntersville, NC 28078
(704) 875-1822

Randall Benifield passed on Monday, September 18 2001

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
                                                 - - - - Scott Adams

Title and author unknown

If I be the first of us to die,
Let grief not blacken long your sky.
Be bold yet modest in your grieving.
There is a change but not a leaving.
For just as death is a part of life,
The dead live on forever in the living.
And all the gathered riches of our journey,
The moments shared, the mysteries explored,
The steady layering of intimacy stored,
The things that made us laugh, or weep or sing,
The joy of sunlit snow or first unfurling of the spring,
The wordless language of look and touch,
The knowing.
Each giving and each taking,
These are not flowers that fade,
Nor trees that fall and crumble,
Nor are they stone.
For even stone cannot the wind and rain withstand
And mighty mountain peaks in time reduce to stand
What we were, we are.
What we had, we have.
A conjoined past imperishably present.
So when you walk the woods where once we walked together
And scan in vain the dappled bank beside you for my shadow,
Or pause where we always did upon the hill to gaze the land,
And spotting something, reach by habit for my hand,
And finding none, feel sorrow start to steal upon you,
Be Still.
Close your eyes.
Listen for my footfall in your heart.
I am not gone but merely walk within you.


When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland, it
was felt that she had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the nurses were going through her meagre possessions, they found this poem.
Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to
every nurse in the hospital.

One nurse took her copy to Ireland. The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since
appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Association
for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but
eloquent, poem. And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the
world, is now the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet. It goes to
show that we all leave "SOME footprints in time".....

What do you see, nurse, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply

When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe...
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill....
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse, you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten...with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty--my heart gives a leap,

Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide in a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man is beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more, babies play around my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.
I'm now an old woman....and nature is cruel,
'Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles, grace and vigour depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years....all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, nurse, open and see....

Not a crabby old woman; look closer...see ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an old person who you might brush aside without
looking at the young soul within.

We will one day be there!!!!

Dody Holt passed on Thursday September 27, 2001

Subject: How did we Survive??

Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have.  As children we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
Our baby cribs were painted with bright colored lead based paint. We often chewed on the crib, ingesting the paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.
After running into the bushes a few times we learned to solve the problem.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were
back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day.
We played dodgeball and sometimes the ball would really hurt. We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda, but we were never over weight; we were always outside playing. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as others or didn't work hard so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. That generation produced some of the greatest risk-takers and problem solvers. We had the freedom, failure, success and
responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

Subject: [COPD] Dody Holt died
   Date:  Fri, 5 Oct 2001 15:19:20 EDT
        Dody Holt <Kaliko8998@AOL.COM>

Sorry to send this by email, but wasn't sure how else I could let you all know.
I am Nansi Greger-Holt, daughter of Dody Holt.  Just a brief note to let you know that my Mom died last Thursday, September 27 peacefully in our/her home.

Dody had a bad COPD flare since Labor day, that we could not break with steroids and antibiotics.  Since going to the hospital would only cause her more suffering with a very very slim chance of improvement, we decided to have Mom stay at home and we got Hospice who also helped us take care of her.

Dody was a fighter and fought her battle with COPD, Ovarian cancer and severe hearing loss with much bravery

I thank all of you who gave her a connection to the outside world through email.  Your support was greatly appreciated.

In lieu of flowers donations can be made to:
Duke Gynecological Cancer Reseach
c/o Andrew Berchuk, MD
Box 3079
Duke University Medical Center
Durham NC  27710

Nansi Greger-Holt

Subject: SHARING personal stories
       Date: Tue, 2 Oct 2001 07:52:45 -0700
      From: "Charlotte" <misspr@home.com>
            "OLIVIJA GWYNNE" <corpse@OLIVIJA.COM>

I  enjoyed your letter Olivija.  You do alot of good for me and others.  My feelings are similar..  I  was dx'd in 87 with the
Doctor giving me only 3-5 yrs to live.  I attended my sisters funeral before months later understanding what she died with,
(Alpha -1),  receiving notice from her attending Doc that I should come in to be tested for Alpha-1..

 I was living happily alone at the time, running a very busy business with way too much stress & lots of wonderful friends
in Denver, Co.  My goodness the changes I had to go through to change my life style according to the doctor's wishes.

  I had to move to sea level & pursue a much safer occupation.  It was becoming increasingly  more difficult to breathe
& earn income.  I moved to Ca. in 88, so VERY ILL  & ALONE.  I was able to start a new business after resting by
the ocean for a few months. I bounced up again.

Eight years ago, I began sleeping my days away &I had to undergo an emergency  hysterectomy for severe pain, alone
again I might add.

 I was unable to bounce back up as I had so  many times before.  It was at this time when I was placed on 02.  I no longer
was able to work anymore at the business that I  created &loved so much.

It was at this time that GOD sent me a fabulous human being that took over from there.  He was the same person that
set me up with 02.  I felt so good that I told him to be sure and bring me a backpack so that I could play tennis again
..LOL....(he laughed silently at this)

..He was & is a very smart, calm & humble person with fabulous listening skills.  I only learned much later just how talented
he was in so many areas..

Shortly after meeting him, my Condo had a fire while I was taking a bath and my he was back in his home state,
New Orleans, La., with his father who was dying from Cancer.

 27 Firemen saved my life.  The fire climbed up my nasal canula while I was in the bathtub.  The fire started in my 02
concentrator at the time.  I had no time to dress & unable  to get 02.

There were only seconds to move to my hall phone and call 911.  I then headed  for my balcony again not dressed and
nothing to throw around me.

  I was as far out on the balcony climbing over to jump when I heard a fireman screem for me to"Get back".

 I can understand so well why so many people at the trade center jumped.  When your only other choice is to burn up
alive. No one else can really identify with this unless they've lived through one.  I learned how much help the Red
Cross was then.   Alot of help but it only lasted for 10 days.

I also learned ALOT of dangers with some of these assisted care facilities that I ended up in for a few months while I was
alone and vulerable.

My friend returned  a few months later to literally rescure me from a dangerous living situation and began his 8 yr.
campaign to get me well.  He gave me his 200% focus and undividing attention. He was & still is very much
determined to enjoying a long happy llife with me.

 After my fire I literally went through several years when I could ONLY pray to continue living  5 minutes at a time.
I always hid this from Perry as best I could so as not to scare him off.   I would go into deep comotosed sleep modes,
(probably due to too much smoke getting into my lungs)

I couldn't even have a telephone as the ring or anyone talking would make me so very sick.  I needed complete quiet.
 We moved to a place as far north as possible where the closest store was 45 minutes away.  I needed to get ready
for a lung TX.

This was 7 yrs ago now. I was approved for a TX list but we were not readyfor that yet.  Perry & I changed everything
about our life as quickly as possible.  He is a gormet Chef which I attribute much to my success in health.  Only
healthy foods.  We eliminated all outside stresses and simplified our lifestyle as much  & as quickly as possible.

Perry did the constant cleaning that is required and worked to build a tranqual & healing place for us to call home.  He
allowed me to be the supervisor and he  utilize his body to do all the work needed.  I think deep inside each of us, we
know what we need to do to get well.

So many of us just need one hand to reach out &  pull us up.  Some of you have been blessed with many of these
special people and I was blessed with one....

I've watched people that I became very close to that I knew I could save their life if only they could move in with
me so that I could share my world with them  but I just couldn't put anymore on Perrys plate.  He was at his
limit capacity.  This is the difficult part through the years.

Now we are living the life style that I & we have worked so hard to achieve.  The most slow and gradual
improvements that a snail would do better.......BUT there were constant & continual improvements through
the years.

I love  and am the happiest that I've probably been in my entire life.  I appreciate so much every second, every
nice thing that someone does for me.  I have a contentment of feeling as though I have finally reached the top of
my mountain.

I've learned how to live a much more quality, simpler & happier life then ever before.  I no longer live 5 minutes
at a time but only think in terms of years now.  The hard work is over but I must stay focused and disaplined
as anyone would who is taking control of a difficult disease..

Lastly, I am thankful that I have been able to go through all of  the years of this learning process to  finally "GET IT"
......There are so many people who have different other diseases like Cancer who just don't have this time.

I've learned that everyone gets to this point at their own time and there is not much that I can do to speed it along
for them except to communicate what has worked for me.

 I'm always surprised to see some people who are at their last point in this life and not be prepared at all.   Previously
to all of my experiences,  I would have thought they would be kinder, more compassionate, understanding &
appreciative of this life.  Some never do & that is so sad for me to see.

I've read where someone said that it is only when we learn to die that we finally learn to live and I believe this
to be true....

I hope that my sharing  intimate thoughts this morning might help someone out there.  It was nice for me.  I enjoyed this..


Charlotte Freemon in San Diego, alpha-1 , not listed yet.

"Act as though what you do makes a difference..  It does."

Subject:  a little walk and thought
   Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2001 15:12:27 EDT
   From: Glenn Callaway <GlennCallaway@CS.COM>

Hi All,
It's a beautiful day here in the deep South so I have a suggestion for you.  If it's a nice day in your area, leave the PC
behind a little while, locate the door of your dwelling, go through it and outside into the fresh air and sunshine.  If
necessary, load up the O2 tank, get the cane or the walker, or roll the wheel chair, but just go.  Feel the kiss of the
sun a minute. Maybe you'll feel a little fall breeze, hear a mockingbird or meadow lark.  Head on out in your yard,
down your driveway, or onto the patio.  Think back to a time you sat on the edge of a hospital bed and eyed the
restroom door five or six feet away wondering if you and the IV stand could make it that far on your own without
calling a nurse.  Think of when you finally made it to the door of your room, leaned against the door frame and
stared down the hallway towards the nurse's station.  Looked a long way off, didn't it.  Think back to those times
when you so much yearned just to stand out in the sunshine.  Now, another favor.  Think of our COPD friends,
and others, now hospitalized or in treatment centers who would love to be standing there with you.  If you are so
inclined, say a little prayer for them.  If you are not a religious person, then a little wish for them will do nicely.
 Take a short walk today or when you can.  It will do wonders for you physically and emotionally.
It's a fantastic world we live in.  We should take the time to enjoy it.  Enjoy your stroll, take your time, and take
a closer look at all that is around you.  There is something of worth and beauty to be found almost anywhere.
 It just might be that when you come back in, you will bring with you a touch of a smile, a lighter heart, and feel
more like reaching out to others.  Breathe well, everyone, and smile a bit.  I'm going out to see a


   Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2001 17:00:46 -0400
        "BETH MCDONALD" <bethmcd1@CATSKILL.NET>

" Life changes, duties don't, but am having troubles these days keeping up."

I hope you are opening up a new thread, because you have certainly touched upon some concerns that I have,
and that I hearechoed in comments from others on the list!  COPD changes lives, often very dramatically and very early!  My pulm. doctor (bless him!) talks about my "slight touch" of COPD, and I perceive it
differently --- have finally got some medication (Albuterol and Pulmicort inhalers) the first of which is an ENORMOUS improvement, but nevertheless I am the main breadwinner in  my tiny family of two, and I
am still taking 3 1/2 hr. naps several times a week, still so lethargic some of the time that I am referring
to almost everything which begins with a "p" as a "potato" (and this from a former English
teacher yet!), I am frequently out of breath, have problems with incontenience, coughing and nausea,
am SUCH a slowpoke and find the almost inevitable depression difficult to handle.

What I am getting at is that I KNOW I need to redefine what I can reasonably expect of myself,
redefine what my priorities are, most likely rework or change my environment (simplifying it) and make
sure that I am careful to schedule some time for joy during the day, every day.  I have a feeling that some
of you wonderful EFFORTS members have already "been there, done that" and I am hoping that you
will share your tips on how to reorganize/simplify/prioritize  for those of us who have not yet figured it
all out.

I am currently looking for a smaller place to live (rental) which I can take care of more easily, and
I am planning to get rid of much of what I own.  We are going through and rolling up and discarding
rugs to eliminate some allergens while trying to hang onto the furry allergens that Meow.  What
other ideas do you folks have?

When my mother was in her last 2 years of life,  she had just enough energy to try and wash the
dishes, cook and eat 3 meals a day, keep a 7 room house clean, keep her car and her clothing and
herself clean, and take care of her correspondence and business matters.  There was NO time
for any joy - no time for fun -- no time for anything save duty.  I want to rethink what is
necessary and what "has to be done" so that I can work some pleasure into my life as well.

Subject: [COPD] Life Changes
   Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2001 17:02:09 -0400
   From: "Virginia Beauregard " <Tovirginia@AOL.COM>

Plano Dot wrote "Life changes, duties don't, but am having troubles these days keeping up."  Hi Dot, I
agree copd sure changes our lives.  One day I simply collapsed from trying to keep up with a job, house,
tutoring kids, volunteering at two organizations, and more.   My hospital roommate was 91 yrs old and
when I told her how frustrated I was feeling, she said I was missing the whole point....she lectured me like
no teacher ever could.  She told me to think about all the things I was spending my time on and eliminate
at least half of them.  I told her I couldn't stop any of my activities without letting people down or without
feeling like a failure.  She told me to figure out a substitute activity I could do that could replace each activity
I could no longer do....so that's what I did.  Instead of going to the school to tutor, the kids come to me; instead
of going to visit lonely folks at the nursing home, I have a staff member bring them to my place (they love
getting out); instead of doing housework, the teens I tutor do my chores....................
Having copd or other chronic illness doesn't have to end our involvement with life...it just changes how we
do things.  Sure we don't run anymore, we don't climb trees, we don't hop-skip across streams.......but that's
all right because now we can slow down and do some really fun stuff......read a book, watch lots of interesting
things on tv, surf the internet, call a friend, be available for your kids to visit, host lunches for lonely folks,
teach a kid how to prepare a book report, help a teen apply for a college loan, make a pot of soup for your
building's maintenance crew, give your postman a cup of hot cider.......all without leaving your home.

While I breathe, I hope

Jack slaughterbeck passes on October 9, 2001

Subject: [SECONDWIND] Living well with COPD
   Date:  Thu, 11 Oct 2001 22:34:43 -0400
   From:  Kathryn Flynn <sarika@MINDSPRING.COM>

LIVING WELL WITH COPD People with COPD usually first notice problems with breathlessness during
activities such as stair climbing and walking uphill. There is often wheezing and coughing that brings up mucus.
Over time, breathlessness worsens, sometimes to the point where dressing and bathing become difficult.
Oxygen levels in the blood may fall and carbon dioxide levels may rise, which can cause tiredness, poor
concentration and heart strain. The strained heart may enlarge and lead to swelling of the ankles and legs called edema. People with COPD are also at risk for coronary artery disease (CAD). COPD and CAD are often linked because long-term cigarette smoking is one of the biggest risk factors for both diseases. The ACCP (American College of Chest Physicians) publishes a patient education booklet with the above title. ANM says it can be read
on the Internet (in large type and easy chapters) at:

Date: Fri, 12 Oct 2001 12:20:22 -0700
Organization: http://www.olivija.com,- http://www.olivija.com/MENU/ - http://www.olivija.com/lungs/

Good day to all,
Sometimes I get mail asking me questions that they somehow don't want to post to the list.
Most of the questions are asked of someone they know who has had the disease awhile.
Well, that is me.  Oh, I know there are lots out there who have had it longer, but I can only
tell about my experiences.  The first thing I want to say is that we are all different.
In all aspects of the disease the difference will manifest.  So all I am relating here are my
experiences with COPD.
I am in a severe decline and if all my dear friends whom I use to mail so often, wonder why
I have done only a few group mailings, there is a reason.
Anyway the reason for this email is that I have been SOB the entire time through the years
with COPD.  I have had good days and bad days and hellious days.  I have had days when
I did not know where the energy would come from to make another day.  Then again some
days were fantastic!  The energy level has slowly gotten worse and worse.  I am in a
conserving mode and write less often than I use to.
Day by day, week by week,  month by month, year by year you see a little more gone.  It is
not an overnight killer.  It works slowly.  I have lots of love and a positive attitude.
That in itself has kept me going. That my friends is what this disease is like.
A slow rider on a weak horse. Digging in with sharp spurs.
And so it goes. . . . . . . .
Your friend in Pa.

        Date:  Sun, 14 Oct 2001 16:56:30 -0700
 Organization:  http://www.olivija.com, http://www.olivija.com/MENU/,   http://www.olivija.com/lungs/

Hi Friends,
Although Anne from Vermont is so right about not all COPD is caused by Smoking,
It still is a large contributing factor for the majority of us who find ourselves suffering today.
I do want to say that in my opinion there is too much self-blame or guilt on our part and from others
on this fact.  I for one am not willing to take all the blame.  And here is why. . . . . . . . .
Did you know when you smoked and thought you were so kool, that the tobacco companies were
adding hundreds of toxic, deadly chemicalls to the tobacco you smoked? (To further addict you!)
Do you blame them or yourself for that?  Do you blame them for knowing all this, and shredding
all the  information on it, so no one would find out untill several decades later?  I blame a large
knowledgable corporation for more than, I blame myself or any other addicted smoker for.
We all started on a whim as a kid.  It takes no time to form the addiction. Now you are still a kid, only
now one with an expensive habit who will spend all their money on their addiction.  Hell yes, I blame them
more than I do that dumb kid way back then.  By the time we have figure it all out and we want to quit,
we also find out it ain't that easy to quit with all the stresses in our life.  So most of us smoke on till the
crash and the diagnosis that ends our life forever as we once knew it.
Ask me if I blame the lying, two-faced, money-grabbing, depraved indifferenced to life,  sub human
corporate exects! Go ahead ask me......................................
You can bet your last fast HEARTBEAT I do!!!!!
Just my opinion, While I can still give it
And so it goes. . . . . . .

Saying good-bye to a loved one

Friends of the memorial party
gather together to say farwell
Each in their own way, have come
Some of them pray, some of them cry
It's so very hard to tell a friend good-by

Then I see your sweet face.
who cannot hear me anymore
I now speak the many unspoken
words I never said enough to you
It's so very hard to tell a mate good-by

Now you are beyond hearing my words
knowing my thoughts, even before I
make them into words. There are no
words now. only feelings, and
It's so very hard to tell a lover good-by

I thought that I could no longer feel
The pangs of seperation
of this departure, of the loss of a mate,
a lover and a friend.
It's so very hard to tell you good-by

How do I tell you good-by?
When I know you live on
and it is I here in the shadows
prolonging my departure through
Heaven's other door because "It really is
so very hard to tell you good-by"

I'm Deb Mother of Blake
Dont Know if you all will remember me But I had to write to tell
you my sweet Baby Boy Is in Heaven Now
He was tx aug 1999
went in to rejection in may and it took his
life Oct 3 2001 one day after his 22nd Birthday
----- Original Message -----
From: Barbara Fellers <barbie@ALLIANCELINK.COM>
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2001 12:48 AM

Sent: Friday, October 26, 2001 6:16 PM

Kelly Helms passes on October 26, 2001

Ray called this afternoon and said Kelly got a septis infection, pneumonia
 and it was too much for her frail body. She passed this afternoon.
 I will let you know of funeral arrangements after the family gets back in town.
 Kelly was an inspiration to all transplant recipients and was dearly loved
 by all . I will continue to use her courage as a strenght in any trials I
 face in the future.
 We have all lost a friend but gained a source of love,courage and
admiration in Kelly's life ..

Sent: Sunday, November 04, 2001 6:18 PM
I just wanted to share with you some of things I experienced while at Kelly Helm's funeral... actually called "a day of rememberance"... Kelly had lived all her life in the Jacksonville area and the church was packed... various people spoke, but the most amazing part of the service was the letter that Kelly wrote before she died... it must have gone on for about 20 or 30 minutes, where she remembered all the people who were special in her life... everyone from her childhood friends and neighbors to the people she knew from transplantation... her brother, Ken shared Kelly's last hour with us... apparanetly she was in a coma and the doctors wanted to put her back on the vent... but her husband Ray was on his way back to Chapel Hill and about three hours away... Kelly came to back consiousness just as he arrived and spoke in a LOUD clear voice the contents of the letter that she had wrote almost word for word... after she spoke, she fell back into a coma and died peacefully, in no pain and ready to die... Kelly died as she lived... in a big way. I went to the funeral with my friend JT and both of us sat there crying our eyes out... which is funny now that I look back on it 'cause I told him I would be strong for the family, but I really lost it. We went back to Ray's house and I got to speak with Tim, her brother... as we were talking about Kelly, I saw the most amazing falling star... it was so huge and bright green, like Kel's eyes, that people there had time to turn around and see it... I originally thought that it was fireworks... which, in a way it was... I am sure Kelly sent that falling star to us to remind us that she is always with us... One of my favorite movies is "It's a Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stuart... a friend of  Kel's talked about Kelly's life being a lot like that movie... Kelly's life was what a true success was... she had so many friends, and when you were Kelly's friend... it stuck... they gave us all a bell with a tag on it that read... "Kelly Joyce Helms March 28, 1964 to Oct. 26, 2001... I will always be your friend: now I will be your angel." She always thought of others... she was truly a great spirit... Karen Couture


I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my hear
Althought He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to sen treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near your
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And friends to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all!


Sandi "Munchkin" Niles passed November 5th, 2001

As many of you know, our dear friend Sandi Niles "Munchkin" was finally on
call for a lung transplant. She was enrolled in August for the "waiting
list" and the doctors told her it would probably be 18-24 months before she
would be called.
This morning, Nov. 5th,  at 7:00 am Munch got the news that made her the
happiest of happy. "We have a lung for you!!!" Whopieeeeeee, rejoice, and
she called me to see if I could drive her and be with her there. We were
both in shock that she could be called so soon. Yes she was nervous but the
joy of her finally being closer to her goal of having a new lung, took away
all her fears and filled her with elation. There was still chance once they
had her prepped and even in the operating room, that the donor lung would
not be good or a perfect match for her, and that she would be sent home
after having her hopes so high. Okay so can you picture Munch, tapping those
teeny toes saying... "Zola... this is it, It's really coming true... Heck I
was more nervous than Munch. Of course, Ms. Calm one!!! But the trooper that
Munch always is kept saying... This is my new birthday.. May a
note of the date. Nov. 5th is my 2nd birthday. So much so that when they
took her down, I grabbed the calendar and took page with the date to
surprise her down the road of her recovery. A memento if you will.
So at 1:20 p.m. after many tests to see if her body was healthy and strong,
she passed all tests and with her positive attitude, off she went. I asked
her what she was going to dream about when they put her out and she said
"Sailing with the birds, Zola.. I'm going up with the birds and sailing
with the in the air just like I did before hang gliding." I gave her a kiss,
told her I loved her and wished her well on her way saying "Positive
thoughts Munch.. Positive thoughts... She gave me the two thumbs up and was
all smiles as we walked down the hall together till we had to split up.
Met up with Eddie, after he got off work, and we started the waiting
process. 30 minutes into her procedure we saw a very unusual circle of
either egrets, herons or swans, sailing in an air foil just gliding away
right above her room. We laughed that Munch was having her dream and sailing
up there with them... :) :)
Her surgery went as planned and was basically very normal and they even
seemed to finish early before 5:00. We waiting to see her after recovery
and back in her room. We waited and waited for them to call us up.  Almost 3
hours went by and the news that followed was not what we had expected or
hoped to hear. Our little Munch didn't make it. The new lung had some
complications and her poor little other lung could not bare the weight on
it's own.  What seemed to function properly at the beginning, failed after
the surgery was over and she just didn't have a strong enough left lung to
hold her own with.
I felt the need to write to you all tonight, while I am still in shock and
partially sedated. I don't feel tomorrow will be an easier day and I felt
you would all want to know. Please know she loved and cared about each and
every one of you and was a good friend to all. I am so grateful she had this
last Camp Zola with us where she was able to enjoy the trip all 3 days. It
meant SO MUCH to her to be with a lot of "the gang" once again like the old
days before her illness. Just the thought of her having the hope of a
transplant, gave her new strength and courage and it was wonderful to see
her a new strong attitude and mood .
I for one have lost a VERY dear friend and close neighbor of over 9 years,
and right now can't imagine her not coming home. Munchie dog knows
something is wrong so Zammie please get in touch with me as soon as you can.
She needs some major TLC right now that I think only you know how to
give her.
Please know that Munchie choose this decision for herself today and it was
one of the happiest days of her short life. Like everything else she did,
she took charge of her destiny and I think she would willingly take the risk
all over again. I am so blessed to have had her in my life if only for
the short time I did. I guess her daughter Donna, who she lost just over 2
years ago last weekend, needed her more to be with her now.
Thank you all and may God bless and take care of our dear Munchkin.  She was
one of my very best friends and a dear and close neighbor.
I am writing on behalf of Sandi as I promised her I would contact everyone
in her "buddy" list and let them know the status of her surgery. I truly
wish I had better news to report.
Please pass this message to anyone you know that Munchkin would have wanted
to know. I am going through her email address book but I hope I do not miss
Zola (zola@earthlink.net)

Tom Larsen passed November 6th, 2001

Dear friends,

I am sorry to tell you my Sandy passed on to a better life surrounded by friends and me.
He is in no pain now and not suffering. Thank you so much for all your support, you are the
ones who helped us most through this difficult time.
I shall be back among you all soon to try to help others cope with this terrible disease.
Love Jen

Dolly Halasz  passed November 8th, 2001

Subject: Re: [COPD] Dolly Halasz
Yes, Dolly was truly a lovely person.  She was in my buddy group and I will miss her so very much.  I guess it's only in this group that one can understand how I can cry so much over an internet friend I never met in person.   And we are in shock as she was just diagnosed with pneumonia on Wednesday.  Dorothy/AL

Bobby Berger passed on November 0th, 2001

Franklin BeLano Heinz  Jr. passed November 13th, 2001

I have not written in quite sometime.  I have been very busy with 3, well 2
now, teenagers.  The oldest just turned 20, reducing the number.
I have been lurking and reading here.  Just not posting for whatever reason.
However, it is with a heavy heart that I must bring you bad news.  Frankie
Heinz passed away this morning.  He was a close friend and he will be missed.
 His last few months have been difficult.  His mother called me this morning
to tell me the news.  It seems that Frankie woke and was not real coherent.
An ambulance was called but he was pronounced dead at arrival at the hospital.
Please take a moment or two and include Frankie and his family in your
Allan Shuford Ochsner #63
The Only True Disability in Life Is A Bad Attitude!!!
Hello Everyone,
I would like to say some things on Frankie's behalf and in his memory. As
most of you know, Frankie and I were engaged and lived together 3 years ago.
I was there with him and taking care of him until txp and during txp.  Though
we broke up after txp, we remained very good friends and continued to talk
and visit with each other when I was in New Orleans.  So, needless to say, we
knew each other very well.  And we did love each other very much.
It is going to be hard to live in New Orleans without him there.  I was
looking forward to being able to see him more often.  At least I can go to
the cemetery and talk to him when I want to.  I know he spiritually will not
be there, but I do that with my grandpaw, and it makes me feel better.
One thing I am glad to know is that Frankie, had accomplished most of his
dreams in the 3 years after txp.  He was able to buy an old antique fire
truck that even ran.  He was so proud of that thing, he was planning to
restore it and put it in the Mardi Gras parades.  I would really like to
complete that dream for him.  I will have to talk to his mom about it.  He
had put the truck in storage.  The only thing I would have loved to see him
complete was to find someone to love him for who he was and be there with him
in the end.  Though I am perfectly happy in my current relationship, I feel
responsible for that dream not being accomplished now.
Frankie told me that last time I talked to him, which was a few weeks ago
that he had no idea what God's purpose for him was.  He told me, "Wendy, God
has brought me back from death's door 4 times in my life and I still don't
know what He plans to do with me."   I guess his time was up and he had
completed his purpose on this earth.  I believe his purpose was to be an
inspiration to other txp patients and I told him that.  He did it very well.
I am not quite sure what exactly happened to take Frankie from us so
suddenly, but his parents and doctors have requested an autopsy.  I am
attending the funeral and viewing on Friday.  I will learn more then and will
let you all know. His mom said Frankie would have wanted to know what caused
his death and I concur with that.  He used to say, "when I die, they are
going to find all kinds of medical mysteries when they open up this body."
He had had so many surgeries his chest and stomach looked like it was a
jigsaw puzzle that had been put together.  He was proud of his "battle scars."
Well, now that I have cried my eyes out writing this to you all, I am going
to cry some more and write Frankie.  Dear Frankie,
Though you were taken from me so suddenly, I will always love you and never
forget the times you and I shared, the good and the bad.  I will never forget
the things you and I did and experienced together that only we know about.
As I always told you even after we broke up, I will always be proud of you
for all that you have done in spite of everything.  I will miss you not being
there.  I had looked so forward to sharing my news with you of my job.  I was
glad to know that I would not be alone in the "Big Easy" and that I would
always have you there with me as my friend.  Thank you for picking me up at
the bus station and taking me to the hospital in June.  Thank you for sitting
up with me all the nights I was sick and in the hospital when we were
together before your txp.  I am so sorry I got mad at you for the little
things. I love you very much and will miss you with all of my heart.  It will be
lonely in New Orleans without you.  I promise to you, I will find a way to
have that truck restored and have it in the next Mardi Gras parade and it
will be in your memory.
Love Always,

Hi Folks,
     How ya doin' !! Hope all is well!!
I've got some sad news to report. Called Edie to see how she was doing
since we hadn't heard from her since Christmas Eve. I managed to connect to
her sister as she picked up Edie's phone and had a nice talk. Edie passed
away yesterday afternoon.
She went to her sister's on Christmas Day for dinner. Had a nice time and
enjoyed the day and dinner with her sister's family. She was taken home by
her nephew but she wasn't feeling well. But was resting comfortably. They
checked in on her on Wed. morning and realized that she had a stroke so
Edie was rushed to the hospital. She had been resting comfortably until she
went into a coma and passed away quietly late Friday afternoon, Dec. 28th.
She was cremated and her ashes scattered into the Snake River, Idaho, as
per her wishes. Her sister was glad that I called and wanted everyone to
know that Edie really appreciated and loved everyone in Buddy Group G.
Yours In Better Breathing,
       Patrick Dooley

Simple Tips for a More Joyous Life One of the most tragic things I know about
human nature is that all of us tend to put off living.  We are all dreaming
of some magical rose garden over the horizon--
instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.
Dale Carnegie