"The game of life with COPD is not so much in holding a good hand
as playing a poor hand well."

CORPSE 6
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Bill Gentz passed on  Thursday June 8, 2000

Monday June 12, 2000
The grandsons have been here with Don and I for a little over a week now.  We went to K-Mart yesterday and
bought groups of toys for them, to have to play with while they were here.  Last night Don also took them fishing.
Ian caught a bass and they insisted that was dinner for them so we all had hamburgers fordinner and Ian and Daevid
also had some bass for an appatizer.  I really am enjoying the time with the boys.  I had forgotten how much sibblings
argue and fight amongst themselves.  Makes me know why God gives us kids while we are young.  You just should
not have to deal with all of that on a full time basis if you are old and wore out.  tee hee.
Just to change the subject a little bit here, I have been getting some comment as to the name of my journel, "Future Corpse."
Some who have read this site say that I am negative in my looking at COPD as A death Sentence.  To this I reply that I
am a realist.  I do not look at "ANYTHING" through rose colored glasses.  If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck,
By God it's a damn duck!!!!  COPD is Chronic - Obstructive - Pulmonary - Disease.  In a nutshell, it is a progressively
deteriorating disease of the lungs and air passages.  Most of the time also complicated by pulmonary Hypertension, which
puts more pressure on the heart to work more efficently to get more blood pumped to bring more oxygen to the lungs,
which is a vicious circle.  Now I am not going to look at this event in my life as anything other than serious.  I only have
one chance to grab all the gusto.  Here is the catch, although I look at COPD as a death sentence, I also look at the
person with COPD as the judge (more than anyone else) as to how long that life is and what quality of life can be
expected.  I have said it over and over in all my pages here on the web.  The following items have got to be applied
to each person who is diagnoised with COPD.

1.  You have got to educate yourself about your disease.  COPD is different in each person.  What works to help one may
      even be hazzardous to another.  Educate yourself so that you can be knowledgable enough to discuss and have a hand
      in your own treatment with a pulmonary doctor that you trust.  Just as you do not trust your auto to just anyone to work
      on, so you educate yourself so you can do the same with your body.  A car can be replaced.
2.   If you smoke please quit immediately.  Think of your lungs and all your organs for that matter, as just hunks of meat
      hanging in a smokehouse of your skeleton frame.  Now every cigarette you smoke helps you 'cure' (like in smoke) your
      lungs.  When a person quits smoking the lungs do not deteriorate any further and you are able to maintain at that level
      with exercise, diet and medical help.
3.   An exercise program beginning with pulmonary rehab to teach you how to breath and how to live with 'quality of life' and
      COPD.  It will teach you much about what you must do to prevent infections and live a healthy life and keep yourself out
      of hospitals.
4.   You also need the support of friends, family and a support group if there is one at you pulmonary rehab facility.  There
       usually is one.  There are also on-line support groups for COPD that are listed on my Bookmark page.
I suppose opening myself up to let the world read my limited mind that I was sure to get critics.  And if I can't stand the heat
I should not light the fire huh?  Well, I'm use to heat and I'll keep on keeping on and all my critics can keep on assuming
all the negative they care to about my realistic approach to life.  Just remember though, when you dig your buried head
out of the sand to be sure to don those rose-colored glasses to look at the rest of your world with also..

Skeleton Closet


James 'Jim' Kelly Passed on Friday, June 16, 2000
Sue Meeuwissen passed on June , 2000
CELEBRATING SUE By VICTORIA BUTTON
Wednesday 14 June 2000 

BLUE playdough. A pine cone. The Kama Sutra. A needle and thread. A list of names. A red feather boa. A no-smoking sign. A kite. These things symbolise Sue Meeuwissen.
Her friends and family laugh, and verge on tears, as they tell stories and present the objects they have brought to a gathering billed as a "celebration" of her life.
And Sue sits in the corner on a red glitter cushion, looking like some sort of Eastern goddess, butting in to argue their versions of events - and to remind us she's not dead yet.
Sue was given the bad news just over a fortnight ago. Her double lung transplant, performed six years ago because of cystic fibrosis,
was in a tailspin of infection and rejection after a passive smoking-prompted asthma attack. The bad news was that doctors had turned down her appeal against their decision not to offer her another transplant.
In other words, she was dying.
She telephoned friends. One, Peter, horrified by the idea of Sue missing out on tributes during her funeral, suggested they gather to celebrate her life.
And so it was that on May31, a small crowd gathered at a solid suburban home in Mount Waverley, a place of piebald 1970s carpet
and ageing family photographs, a place where Sue grew up, in part, and where she intends to die.
In the lounge, people sip wine and beer. They eat salami off toothpicks, dialled-in pizzas and mini sausage rolls proffered by Sue's nieces, Elizabeth, 11, and Samantha,13. Some flip through her media clippings file: "Sweet fragile Sue" (1977), "Champion is winning a battle" (1983); "Prisoner of a smoke screen" (1990); "Sky's the limit for lung swap patient" (1995); "Lung victim sues nightclub" (1997); "Sue's victory for fresh air" (1997).
It's quiet. You can hear the effort in Sue's breathing: a rapid gasp in through the nose, held and expelled through pursed lips. Her deepest breath is less than one-fifth of normal. When she coughs, it's a deep, desperate, exhausting sound.
The atmosphere is cheerfully tense as everyone poses for a photograph. "Cheese!" someone sings out. "Condoms!" someone else says.
A third points out that Sue is surrounded by men - of course. After the photo, a guest leaves. He has to catch a plane home. He says he'll see her later. "No promises," she replies.
People sign a rainbow kite to fly in her honor ... later: "Proud father of Sue"; "I love you so much"; "Continue to fly high, my darling Sue".
Sue needs an injection, flirty as she lifts her red dress to expose a thigh. Jokingly, she reveals a surgically implanted drug portal above her left breast.
A home visit nurse is uneasy. "What's this?" he asks. A party? A wake? A funeral? A celebration? He wonders whether to revive Sue if she arrests tonight.
A snippet of conversation from Sue, over on a couch, to a man whose hand she is holding: "Now I know I'm going to die."
There's talk of the reconciliation march, the weather, this and that. There's also the small-talk staple: so how do you know Sue? "We 
both f---ed a physicist," says a red-eyed friend in blunt reply. She says, pointedly, he is not in attendance.
And how do I know Sue, her friends ask? I don't, really, other than through her campaign to keep public space smoke-free. Smoke in public areas has kept her housebound for long periods. Sue rang to ask what I would be doing to mark World No Tobacco Day. She
told me she was dying - and ended up inviting me.
SUE is carried to her bedroom for the formal part of the ceremony. They decide against a firefighter's lift in favor of a cradle lift. The machine delivering her oxygen is moved with her. She's attached to it by a clear cord that she can't escape.
The bedroom is chilly, despite the crowd. A friend, Wade, drums quietly on a tribal drum. There's a tiny indoor fountain at the centre of
the room, surrounded by a wreath of cloth. A cane star hangs high above it, threaded with fairy lights and decorated with falling red streamers. There are Christmas lights on one wood veneer-panelled wall.
Sue is in a corner, wearing a tinsel wreath, giggling at a camera's flash.
A friend, Jennifer, welcomes us to this celebration of Sue's 38 years of joy and struggle. Her partner, Peter, thanks those who have travelled interstate. There's recorded guitar music. Peter asks us to relax and to concentrate on breathing. "As we breathe in, I'm 
breathing the same air Sue is breathing," he says. "As we breathe out, we become connected to everyone on the Earth."
Sue has her eyes closed, snorting down the oxygen-enriched air in her tube, still breathing, breathing, breathing.
We are a diverse crowd, including people of many ages. At times there is an undercurrent of awkwardness. Peter invites those in the
room to break the silence with stories of Sue. Here, paraphrased, are some of them: 
Ruth: I've got a photo of Sue wearing a boot on her head. I can't remember why. We were in the Mount Lofty Botanic Gardens in Adelaide, maybe nine months after Sue's transplant. We had a picnic lunch. It was just the best day.
Simon: I've known Sue for two years, but only met her twice face to face. (Sue: No, there was also when you dropped off the bowling stuff.) I was a young turk in the ALP and a troublemaker. After knowing Sue, I'm now a member of the Democrats and I'm slightly more calm. Sue has been a mentor and close friend. Thank you, Sue. (Sue: When you get into parliament one day and you make your maiden speech, you can mention my name.)
Meredith: Almost all the women here know about your sex life! I have brought the Kama Sutra.
Wade: Sue is one of the only people who has made me blush. I won't go into explaining that. (Everyone: Go on.) OK.
In hospital, Sue was a bit frustrated with the scenery in the ward. I brought a lot of magazines for her to read, all pornographic. But two-dimensional wasn't enough. Sue insisted I draw the curtain and give her a strip tease. Given the situation she was in, and being a devoted friend, I obliged. So I brought my shirt with the Velcro fastenings today.
When I met you as a journalist, I couldn't believe you existed. Your strength bowled me over and made me get my act together. You're
a beautiful woman. You're a very sexy woman, too, and you know that. I'm going to miss you. (Sue: Physically, physically!) In many
ways. When I think of you my heart is gladdened. When I think of you, I feel closer to my path. I have seen the courage you have shown following your destiny.
Marge: Once you rang me and said, "Guess what? I'm going to Paris." You proclaimed you were going to make it to the Ninth World Conference on Smoking or Health in Paris to give a paper. You had great courage and somehow got there. Your love, commitment and drive have been among the most inspiring things in my life. I bring only my heart. It's yours.
John: One morning, about 1.30am, the phone rang. It's a bad time to get a call if you have children who drive. My wife, Julie, answered
the phone. I heard her say, "Yes, of course we'll pray for you." It was the morning of Sue's transplant, Mother's Day.  The uncanny thing was I had never met this girl, just corresponded on the e-mail or with the occasional phone call. But somehow she found in that moment the need to ring.
Another Marge: Once, before Sue's transplant, I helped her shower. She could barely stand. She looked like something out of a concentration camp. She was struggling to breathe - but she was eagerly telling me all about her latest ventures in the passive smoking lobby. It was the most poignant thing.
I was like Sue's substitute mum in Adelaide. She would talk as I sewed. I was honored to hear the sort of things women don't tell their mothers. (Sue: Good entertainment, hey?) I have brought a needle and thread to symbolise her life because it's drawn so many people together.
Sue, I have heard about almost all of you. I love you.
Amy: I've known Sue since she was 16. She went out with my son Karl for a while.She would come to my place and clean the cooker.
I'll have to get you back, Sue, to do it again.
After the transplant, I visited Sue in hospital. I can still see her. I'm a nurse but I've never seen so many tubes in one person. She could hardly talk but she was trying really hard to tell us what had to be done. She struggled very hard. That fighting spirit is within her. It's just her own efforts that really pulled her through.
Sue, I know you felt we were there to support you but you had to go through it all. As a feminist, I admire you. We need more women
like you, Sue.
I also admire your parents, Irene and Peter. They need more than the Nobel Prize. (Sue: I wasn't that difficult.) You were pretty tough
at times.
Your spirit will go forever. It's lovely to know you, Sue, keep going.
Anna: I'm not used to talking around Sue. Usually, she talks. (Sue: Not always. I'm getting an interesting reputation tonight.) Sue's been
a good friend of mine. (Sue: I'm not dead yet.) Has been and is a good friend of mine since 1987. (Sue: 1989) OK, the middle of 1988. We were doing a Kubler Ross workshop. I gave her a muffin, not knowing she didn't eat things made by other people. She thanked me and put it in her pocket "for later". She probably fed it to her dog. At times, I have been a bit slack with our friendship. But the answering machine always goes and it's Sue asking where I am. Sue, I just love you being in my life.
Jennifer: I brought this red feather boa to celebrate your womanliness. I saw it and I thought about you.
Dany: Sue was my first friend in Australia when I came from England. I phoned around to get a uni study group together. The first thing Sue said was, "Do you live in a smoke-free environment?" I've brought a no-smoking sign.
Sarah: We met just out of high school, at uni. Sue was a bundle of energy and intelligence. This, I thought, is what real life is like. I remember feeling quite cranky later to discover the world wasn't quite as much as Sue.  Sue's friend, Sue: I have brought blue playdough. Sue always had a bowl of blue mucus, which I would help contribute to, when we came here after school. We'd talk about boys. Sometimes Sue would be hanging upside down to drain her lungs, but she would still talk - she would never shut up! Some of the wildest times in my life were with her. (Sue: Not including any sex.) We were complete dags. We still are.
David: Both Trish and I knew Sue at Huntingdale Tech. I've brought a list of people affected by Sue... (Sue: Blast from the past!) Sue
had a fairly hard time at tech. She always acted as if she had no disability. People didn't know how to cope with her courage or attitude
to life.
Trish: I've brought a pine cone for the many happy hours we spent sitting under pine trees having deep and meaningful discussions. You were my best friend then. (Sue: Thank you. That's an honor.) You love ferociously. You're ferociously loyal and you go ferociously after what you believe in. (Sue: It's a gift that you're here after only finding out about my existence still on this planet yesterday.)
Sue's mother, Irene: When Sue was born, I had a vision. I told the hospital matron she was a baby with a special purpose. It's been achieved, even though she doesn't always think she's achieved it. She has been a strength to all of us. 
I believe in eternal life. To me that means memories of Sue will go on forever because we will pass them on. Thank God for all of you
and our blessings for all of you.
SUE speaks, between the offerings of her friends, clearly and at length, as though she's been saving the breath. Here, again paraphrased,
is what she said.
There are a lot of special people in my life here. There are also friends who are not here, who couldn't make it or who I couldn't invite.
The position I'm in is incredibly luxurious. I know what's happening to me and there's lots of good love around. I want to prolong life as long as I can. I have been near death so many times and incredible physical suffering. Suffering I can do. I don't like it much, but I can do it.  The true essence of my existence, I know, is love. I'm not going to be around physically as long as I would like but you will all continue. You guys can give honor to my struggle and spirit, but also to yourselves. Be an active person responsible in your own lives. Live life and do it well and do that extra step in honor of my life spirit and in honor of your own. Don't just be a zombie and just exist. Life is precious and I am thankful.
Don't just exist. Live and do. Be responsible for your own life. Fall down, get up. Fall down, get up. Then you can go to sleep with a clear conscience and sleep easy and happy and thankful.
Where people smoke matters. Environmental tobacco smoke could be transformed into a non-issue if people really did something. It's basic stuff, clean air, like clean food, water and soil. I don't think I will live long enough to finish my passive smoking work but I still want
to do more. When I go, I will know I have lived a very, very happy, full life. 
Sue is holding niece Elizabeth's head on her lap, stroking her hair, breathing. Later, I find out she had dearly wanted a child of her own.
Near the end of the gathering, Peter starts a song, and confesses he's been practising - but hasn't yet made it to the end without breaking down. This time, people join in.  They sing The Rose and the overworn lyrics seem appropriate for once: "...and the soul, afraid of dyin' that never learns to live".
Sue's brother has quietly slipped out. She demands someone find him and bring him back. He returns.
Everyone joins hands and, at Peter's suggestion, "throw" words into the circle they form. "Love," Sue starts off with a cackle of laughter. There are serious words. Hope. Honesty. Unearthliness. Passion. Strength. There are joke words. The word "word". Someone says 
"more words". Eventually, the flow stops and there is silence.
Then the woman who's been lauded for her life and her spirit confesses quietly, "There are physical limitations." The way she says it 
sounds like it's an idea she's not quite used to. No one has a comeback.
Her friends end the night drumming to her. We can hear it as we walk up the paved brick driveway on to the street and into the night.
Postscript: Sue has been based in her bed, as she puts it, since the gathering. She has accepted she will never see the lounge room again.
It took her six hours to recover from her last shower. Her condition varies. She describes herself as well, but her body and lungs as dying. She's planning a new passive smoking action, but won't disclose the details. She's hoping people who knew her in the past will get back
in touch if they read this. The last time we spoke, she joked that when the doctors say she's living on a knife edge, she envisages it - and
hopes she's got her legs together.

Amy Eastman passed on Saturday July 1, 2000
Andrea L. Aulbert passed on Sunday July 2, 2000
Don Mitchell passed on Sunday July 2, 2000
Monday - July 3, 2000
My son Glenn and his wife Linda arrived from Tenn. on Saturday.  He went out on Wed and got a job so he and his wife could stay
here in Pa. so he could be close to me.  I hope that is the right thing for them to do.  I am not going to worry about it.  I am going to
try to enjoy the fact.  They will be staying here with us until they get their own place close-by.
I have not written much lately as I have not been energetic enough to spend much time at the keyboard. Nor have I been inspired.
It is hard to spread cheer when you are fatigued and can't hold your self upright for long periods of time.  Just want to stay in a
reclining position.  I have a little energy to expel tonight and want to talk about frustration.
Did you ever undertake to learn a new skill - like a new language or a musical instrument - or begin a smoke cessation program and then just give up and quit? "Quitting" is a form of giving in to frustration. And we all know frustration from having this lung disease of
COPD/Emphysema.  Appreciate that this is a tough world and we have to be persistent in order to accomplish anything.   Never turn
back in midstream. Follow it through to the end.  No matter what you are doing.  Whether it is trying to cook a meal or trying to get
better medical care for yourself or loved one.
Consider how many projects you began - and then gave up (in the past) - because you became frustrated and lost patience. Make
a list of things you started and quit because it seemed too difficult. Now calculate what you lost by not being willing to accept the
frustration. See how painfulthat loss is!  How do we repair this fault? For the rest of your life, once you undertake something, resolve
never to quit. (Unless you are objectively sure that it's "not worth it" - i.e. you initially misjudged the amount of effort required
relative to the final payoff.) Today, from the list of things you've quit, choose one and resolve to see it through. Adopt the motto: "I
will overcome the frustration."
JUST FIVE MORE MINUTES
To overcome quitting, try tricking yourself. A 3-hour marathon may be nearly impossible to run, whereas 10 runs of 18 minutes each
may be reasonable. Break things into small, achievable goals.  Then, when you're in the heat of a project and feel yourself coming
undone, just tell yourself, "Another 5 minutes, and then I'll quit!"  When the 5 minutes are up, then you can bargain for another 5!
See????
Frustration is much easier to bear in small doses. If you're struggling with a diet, decide that for today you're going to stick with your
orange juice and granola; tomorrow you can treat yourself to that greasy steak with fries! This will help convince your body to hang
in there until the job is complete.  And no matter what the final outcome, at the very least each successful step improves your self-confidence and keeps you on the road to success.
MEASURE YOUR PROGRESS
A lot of times frustration results from not making progress as fast as you'd like to. At times like that, it's important to monitor the
success you're having, even if it's only in microscopic increments.  We need to feel as if we're accomplishing something before we feel
good about ourselves. Every night before going to sleep, ask yourself: Where did I gain and where did I lose?  Prioritizing goals and working out plans is like removing a boulder from a running stream. It reduces resistance and creates less frustration.
This act of evaluation can also make you more aware of progress you might otherwise be overlooking. "If you work and don't
succeed, it means you didn't work hard enough." Even though there is no guarantee of success in any other area, there is a
guarantee of mental success. And that knowledge helps build confidence.
THE FRUSTRATION OF WASTING TIME
The greatest form of frustration is wasting time. Copd/Emphysema patients say that all they want to do is to be able to breath again.
 But, are you willing to try working through some of your frustrations for a better quality and a longer quanity to your life????  Are you someone who talks the talk but puts off walking the walk.  If you didn't know what to do to improve your life before you came to the
list, you sure know now.  You should feel restless and uncomfortable, if you ought to be doing something constructive and you
are procrastinating about getting on with improving your condition, you probably are frustrated a lot. Quitting is also a major source
of wasted time. If we invest in a project, and then don't see it through to completion, we've
wasted a lot of time.
AND OUR LIVES ARE CERTAINLY MORE THAN A PROJECT !!!!!


Thursday - July 6, 2000
How do I feel???  So many people have asked me this question that I find myself reflecting upon what are they really asking me?
 Do they really want to know how I feel?  I don't think they really want to know how it is to be cooped up in a body that doesn't
service you any longer.  I don't think they really want to know how I want to scream and holler and protest my demise.
It's like the saying "Well, I guess you had to be there."
That's the whole point!!! you have to be here to know the horror of knowing you have a disease that is not only a killer.  It is
chronic, making each breath barely possible.  A constant struggle to stay alive from moment to moment.  But, I am not alone.
More than 30 million Americans are now living with this painful chronic lung disease.  I cannot tell you about them.  I can only
share with you some of my thoughts about me and my life.
My body will no longer do the desires of my heart and mind, It is very strange but, all my life, as far back as I can remember I
have had a nightmare of being paralized and my mind was very much alive.  My body would  in a deep sleep and my mind
would be trying to wake up and I could not.  My mind would tell me to try to move one part at a time, like a finger and then
a hand until you can wake up all of the body parts.  By the time I got awake tears are streaming down my face and my heart
is beating 90 miles an hour.  I have had this dream since I was a very small child.  And so it has come to pass in reality almost.
My body is useless in the respect it gets exausted walking from one end of the house to the other.  My mind is still extremely
active, and even ironically mischievous.
I am sure I feel in no way any different from any one else with this disease and the unsure future we all face.  None of us
would have chosed this avenue to travel through our life upon. Regardless of the route we all took to get here the end result
is that it is a shameless waste of humanity.  The wasted lives that could have been spent doing great things.  I still think I can
do great things by letting others know that no matter what misfortunes befall us we still can accomplish smaller tasks.
Do what you can do each day to help others and God will fulfill the lessons of your life he wants you to learn.  I say this
because I feel each of us is put here to learn a lesson on this earth plane.  When we have learned that lesson, we will know
it.God keeps giving us every oppurnity we need to accomplish this as God loves all his children.  He answers all our prayers.
Even when the answer has to be no.
Back to how I feel about this COPD/Emphysema that I have.
I do not like for people who meet me to treat me differently  than any other person who is not on o2 and in a wheel chair.
I really wish I could cry my heart out without getting so short of breath I go into respiratory distress.
I wish I could carry my share of the workload to keep a household running.
I wish I could get in the car and go and go and go, like I use to.
I really wish I could make mad pashionate love to my husband again.
I really wish I could wake up in the morning and this would all be a very bad dream.
I think I would like to drink myself under the table and still be able to breath.
I wish people were more considerate of others like in the 'Golden Rule' - Do unto others!!!!
I wish all people had equal medical care.
I wish all medical professionals were cured COPD?Emphysema patients.
I wish all COPDers had the love of a good friend like Ms. Boo!!! (that wanted it)
I wish I had enengy to be the caregiver for someone else, instead of the care reciever.
I wish for the cure of this disease, soon.
I wish I could stay bent over long enough to cut my own toenails neatly.
I sure would like to also be able to take a bath and do my hair without help.
I wish I never had to experience another look of sympathy from ANYONE!  I feel so sorry for people who do that.  LOL
The thought of what I experience, multiplied by all the hundreds of thousands of people who also suffer from this is just
heartbreaking.  It not only destroys us.  It destroys our families, our loved ones.  The only word that sticks in my mind is ,
It is a waste.
I also wish for the ability to not be reminded constantly of the disease.  To be able to have the luxury of breathing like a
normal person would keep my mind off the disease for awhile.  Since I am constantly short of breath,  the disease is
constantly on my mind. It is a catch-22 situation. It is hard to get anything accomplished when all you can ever think of
"IS WHERE IS MY NEXT BREATH COMING FROM?"


Tuesday - July11, 2000
Today and all this week have been beautiful pleasant weather here in Pa. Makes a person want to do lots of projects.
Makes me wonder sometimes why God gave me all these neat ideas an abilities to think the project through and no energy and strength and breath to carry out the task. Some would say, a cruel little joke.
Glenn is enjoying being here. He had his 40th birthday party here and we had cake and baloons and kisses for him.  It is good
to be with him again after so very long. Even though it is hard as a mother to look at a son and see all the years upon the face
of the beautiful little bouncing baby boy.  I know my son has had a hard life and not always gone the path that was the best
for him to travel.  It really hurts me to see that reflected in his face.  I guess mothering instincts remain as long as we live.  I
am glad that he is here for now and we can renew our love for each other.  We have been apart for much too long.

Thursday - July 13, 2000
Well, here I go again wanting to share something I've seen that imprinted upon me and now I feel oblidged to share.  So here it is:
The following was written by Audrey Hepburn regarding "Beauty Tips"
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,  and redeemed;  never throw out anybody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way  she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years-only grows!
(Things to influence and help us grow)


Sunday - July 16, 2000
I had a doctor's appointment with my OB/GYN on Thursday at 3:30 at her newly decorated offices at the hospital.
I had not been there in a year. (paps smear once a year thing)  When I got there.  I was almost floored as the carpets in the
entire building were emmiting smells that had to be at a high enough toxic level to pollute the entire city.  Then her secetary says
she is running about an hour late.  I tell her even with my filtered air, I cannot stand the smell of that office and what could I do
to get my exam when I first come in so I can limit my time there and I also need my harmone perscription.  The nurse gave me
my perscription and told me the doctor would call me on Friday.  Well, today is Sunday and she has not called yet, so I guess
I will call on Monday.  Glenn (my son and Don) are putting in another bathroom downstairs.  Which we really do need.  I am
so glad we are getting it, finely. It makes it a lot easier than having to run upstairs, when you happen to be down in the basement.
It is a lazy Sunday morning here and I have already had my nourishing breakfast of grapes and Apple Cider and a cinnimon
roll and Don is reading the paper over coffee.  Linda and Glenn are out on the patio having (I HATE IT) a cigatette.  You
would think that anyone who took a look at me would never stick a cigarette in their mouth again.  WRONG!!! It just goes
to show you how strong an addiction tobacco is.  For all of you out there who have just as strong an addiction, my prayers are
with you also, just as they are with my son and his wife, Linda.
I don't know why I feel kind of sad this morning.  Like something is missing and I just can't quite remember what it is.  I look
around and things look the same, but different somehow and I just can't quite put my finger on it.  I just know it leaves me
kind of sad and a little empty inside.

Sandi Miller passed on Wednesday August 16, 2000

Sunday August 20,2000
"Slow Down Therapy"

1. Slow down; God is still in heaven.  You are not responsible for doing it all yourself, right now.

2. Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past. Rest there. Each moment has richness that takes a lifetime to savor.

3. Set your own pace.  When someone is pushing you, it's OK to tell them they're pushing.

4. Take nothing for granted: watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves blow, your neighbor mow.

5. Taste your food.  God gives it to delight as well as to nourish.

6. Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set.  They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.

7. Quit planning how you're going to use what you know, learn, or possess. God's gifts just are; be grateful and their purpose will be clear.

8. When you talk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next. Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.

9. Talk and play with children.  It will bring out the unhurried little person inside you.

10. Create a place in your home...at your work...in your heart...where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.

11. Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive.  Rest isn't luxury; it's a necessity.

12. Listen to the wind blow.  It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow-and now.  NOW counts.

13. Rest on your laurels.  They bring comfort whatever their size, age, or condition.

14. Talk slower.  Talk less.  Don't talk.  Communication isn't measured by words.

15. Give yourself permission to be late sometimes.  Life is for living, not scheduling.

16. Listen to the song of a bird; the complete song.  Music and nature are gifts, but only if you are willing to receive them.

17. Take time just to think.  Action is good and necessary, but it's fruitful only if we muse, ponder, and mull.

18. Make time for play-the things you like to do.  Whatever your age, your inner child needs re-creation.

19. Watch and listen to the night sky.  It speaks.

20. Listen to the words you speak, especially in prayer.

21. Learn to stand back and let others take their turn as leaders.There will always be new opportunities for you
to step out in front again.

22. Divide big jobs into little jobs.  If God took six days to create the universe, can you hope to do any better?

23. When you find yourself rushing and anxious, stop.  Ask yourself  "WHY?" you are rushing and anxious.  The reasons may improve your self-understanding.

24. Take time to read the Bible.  Thoughtful reading is enriching reading.

25. Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency. The best musician is one who plays with
     expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first.

26. Take a day off alone; make a retreat.  You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one.

27. Pet a furry friend.  You will give and get the gift of now.

28. Work with your hands.  It frees the mind.

29. Take time to wonder.  Without wonder, life is merely existence.

30. Sit in the dark.  It will teach you to see and hear, taste and smell.

31. Once in a while, turn down the lights, the volume, the throttle, the invitations.  Less really can be more.

32. Let go.  Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do - but often  it is the best.

33. Take a walk-but don't go anywhere.  If you walk just to get somewhere, you sacrifice the walking.

34. Count your friends. If you have one, you are lucky. If you have more, you are blessed.  Bless them in return.

35. Count your blessings - one at a time and slowl
 
 
 

Gene Downey passed on Thursday August 31, 2000
<<  Thank You for loaning us Gene for a season.  May the seasons in our life be more fruitful because of him.
     In Jesus name we pray, amen. Love Mitch Davey >>

In Memory of Gene Downey
Once in a person's lifetime one meets a person who is so compellingly different , that one must stop and listen to him speak.  He held wisdom beyond his years, patience beyond all time, and love, more than a single heart can hold. He stopped and talked with us, no matter that he was ill. He gave us things so that we might better live
with our disease, and asked nothing in return. He gave and gave and gave and asked nothing in return except
that we respect each other and be there for each other.  He left us with his inventions, his ideas, but most of all
he left us his love.  If he could have traveled to the stars he would have and the stars would have been better
for his visit. If he had sailed the seven seas, he would have done that too, and the world would have been richer for his travels. We are all richer for having known this man and for his touching our lives.  And Gene is now in Heaven , probably talking God into letting him put a pneumatic recline mechanism on HIS chair.
Surely, now, all my heros are gone.
Good bye Gene
When I used the above words in my tribute to Gene, I guess I did so in a little bit of humor knowing that Gene would have smiled at the reference, but I used them also to tell that no matter where Gene was, he always tried to make it just a little bit better place for those around him.  He was totally unselfish in this way, and certainly Heaven is just that little bit more "Perfect" with Gene being there now.

I shall always miss him.
By: Storm <stormcloud@USWEST.NET>
 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sent: Monday, September 04, 2000 6:39 AM
Subject:  gene downing
I had a chance to meet gene downing and his wife pat in person in des moines iowa in the summer of 99 for a few minutes for coffee and was surprised how thin and wiry he was as i had pictured him as a heavy, contemplative thinker he was one of a very rare breed who actually does many of the things he dreams about        the kind of a man who leaves footprints in his wake
From: "Ron Peterson" <ronpete@PRIMARY.NET>



Most Americans say their wish is to die at home, surrounded by family and friends.
The reality is that three-fourths die in institutions, surrounded by strangers.
 It does not have to be that way.  The American way of death


Dancing with death on our own terms.  Bill Moyers


The high cost of dying. 5 Stories - Barbara Lane

A doctors' journey to the other side  - Dan Frimmer


As ready as he can be. - Bruce Teigen


Surrounded by her family - Lucy Shinn


The Devoted Son - Ella and James Elliott


Subject:  copd too
    Date:  Fri, 22 Sep 2000 18:35:50 EDT
   From:  bandera50@aol.com
      To:   corpse6@olivija.com

DEAR OLIVIJA,
     IT TOOK ME SEVERAL DAYS TO READ ALL OF YOUR JOURNAL.  YOU ARE VERY BRAVE
AND I ADMIRE THE FIGHT YOU ARE WAGING AGAINST THIS HORRIBLE DISEASE COPD.
     I TURNED 50 ON JULY 8, AND I WAS DIAGNOSED 2 WEEKS AGO WITH MODERATE TO
SEVERE COPD.  I KNOW MOST DEFINITELY HOW FRUSTRATING IT IS NOT TO BE ABLE TO
DO THE THINGS THAT ONCE YOU TOOK FOR GRANTED.
     JUST 5 YEARS AGO I WAS WALKING 5 TO 10 MILES A DAY, WORKING 10 T0 14
HOURS A DAY FOR MY HOME TOWN CABLE COMPANY.  I WAS IN GOOD HEALTH AND FELT
REALLY GOOD.  I ENJOYED MY JOB AND ALL THE PEOPLE THAT I WORKED WITH WHO WERE
MORE LIKE FAMILY THAN CO-WORKERS.
     IN 1995 I STARTED HAVING BACK PROBLEMS AND GRADUALLY STARTED TO HAVE TO
CUT DOWN ON MY WALKING, THEREFORE I STARTED PACKING ON THE POUNDS.  BY THE
END OF 1995 I WAS NO LONGER ABLE TO DO THE VIGOROUS WALKING IT TOOK TO KEEP
MY WEIGHT DOWN.  I HAVE HAD A PROBLEM SINCE I WAS 8 OF BEING OVERWEIGHT.  IT
HAS BEEN AN ON GOING LIFE BATTLE OF THE BULGE.
     THINGS SEEMED TO GO FROM BAD TO WORSE WHEN MY 88 YEAR OLD MOTHER FELL
AND BROKE HER LEG.  THIS THREW ME INTO A COMPLETE SHUT DOWN DO TO DEPRESSION.
 THEN IN JUNE OF 1998 MY MOTHER WAS DIAGNOSED WITH EITHER A TUMOR OR CANCER
OF THE BRAIN.  IT TURNED OUT TO BE A LARGE MASS OF MAL-FORMED BLOOD VESSELS.
SHE ELECTED TO HAVE SURGERY EVEN THOUGH THE DOCTOR TOLD HER HER CHANCES WERE
SLIM TO NONE OF COMING OUT NORMAL.  ANYWAY SHE WENT AHEAD WITH THE SURGERY.
IT DID NOT TURN OUT WELL. SHE WAS IN A COMA AFTER 3 MINI-STROKES FOR 2 WEEKS.
 THEN WHEN SHE CAME OUT OF THE COMA SHE WAS NOT THE MOTHER I KNEW AND LOVED.
SHE WAS LIVING IN HER MIND SOMETIME BEFORE I WAS BORN AND EVERYONE THAT WAS
DEAD WAS ALIVE TO HER, HOWEVER FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON SHE DID KNOW ME.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, I HAD TO PUT HER IN A NURSING HOME AND SHE STAYED IN THE
NURSING HOME UNTIL HER DEATH ON MAY 27, 2000, AND JUST 5 DAYS BEFORE THAT I
LOST MY AUNT THAT I WAS REALLY CLOSE TO, AND THE DAY BEFORE MY MOTHERS
FUNERAL MY COUSIN I AM REALLY CLOSE TO HAD A MASSIVE HEART ATTACT AT THE AGE
OF 42, WITH MASSIVE DAMAGE TO HER HEART AND LUNGS.  SHE IS NOW BEING
DIAGNOSED FOR A HEART AND LUNG TRANSPLANT.
     ANY WAY, THINGS JUST KEEP GOING FROM BAD TO WORSE WITH MY FAMILY AND MY
CONTINUING HEALTH PROBLEMS.  UNLIKE YOU I DO NOT HAVE THE PROBLEM OF BEING
UNDER WEIGHT, BUT INSTEAD I HAVE THE PROBLEM OF GAINING AND NOW IT IS VERY
HARD TO LOSE EVEN A POUND, SINCE I CAN NOT DO THE RIGHT WALKING EXERCISE TO
LOSE THE WEIGHT I AM NOW AT 5'9" AND WEIGH 238LBS.  I AM REALLY FRUSTRATED.
IT SEEMS EVERYTHING I DO FROM CUTTING DOWN ON MY FOOD INTAKE AND GETTING WHAT
EXERCISE I AM ABLE TO ENDURE, MY WEIGHT JUST KEEPS GOING UP.
     I HAVE MANY HEALTH PROBLEMS.  THEY ARE EROSIVE ESOPHAGEAL ACID REFLUX
DISEASE, PEPTIC ULCERS, ENLARGED HIETAL HERNIA, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE,
IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME WITH CHRONIC DIRRHEA, A BIRTH DEFECT IN MY LOWER
BACK AND NOW COPD.
     NEEDLESS TO SAY I AM VERY DEPRESSED FROM ALL OF THE HEALTH PROBLEMS AND
NOW TO BE DIAGNOSED WITH MODERATE TO SEVERE COPD, IT IS JUST ANOTHER BATTLE I
HAVE TO FIGHT ALONG WITH ALL THE MANY OTHER BATTLES.
     I TAKE AROUND 15 T0 18 PILLS A DAY. ALONG WITH 4 NEBULIZER TREATMENTS,
FLOVENT INHALER 3 TIMES A DAY, SEREVENT INHALER 2 TIMES A DAY AND COMBIVENT
AS OFTEN AS I NEED IT.  I AM JUST A WALKING PHARMACY.  COULD OPEN UP MY OWN
PHARMACY WITH ALL THE MEDS I HAVE AT HOME.
     I AM IN COUNCILING AND HAVE BEEN SO FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS NOW OFF AND ON.  I
HAVE GROUP ON WEDNESDAY FOR 2 HOURS FOR DISABLED PEOPLE AND THEN ONE ON ONE
COUNCILING ONCE A WEEK.
     IT TAKES ME NEARLY ALL DAY TO SWEEP, DUST AND CLEAN MY HOUSE AND
BATHROOMS AND KITCHEN, AS I HAVE TO STOP AND REST ABOUT EVERY 15 MINUTES,
THEN THERE ARE DAYS I CAN'T DO MUCH OF ANYTHING FOR LACK OF SLEEP AND VERY
FATIGUED MOST OF THE TIME.  EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I DO HAVE A GOOD DAY AND
WHEN I DO THAT IS WHEN I GO DO ERRANDS AND GROCERY SHOPPING.
     MOST OF MY DAYS ARE SPENT AT HOME ALONE, SINCE I AM NOT MARRIED WITH MY
2 DARLING SCHNAUZERS DUFFER AGE 6 AND MY BABY SHILOH WHO JUST TURNED 1 AND
WAS DIAGNOSED WITH A SEIZURE DISORDER WHICH HE TAKES 1 PILL A DAY AND THANK
GOD THE MEDICINE HAS STOPPED HIS SEIZURES.  MY 2 BOYS ARE MY MAIN COMPANIONS
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO EITHER ONE OF
THEM.  THEY ARE WITH ME 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK, 365 DAYS A YEAR.  THEY
GIVE ME UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND LOYALTY AND ARE OF GREAT COMFORT TO ME.
UNFORTUNATLEY I NEVER HAD ANY CHILDREN, BUT DUFFER AND SHILOH ARE MY CHILDREN.
     ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR EXPERIENCES, YOUR
BATTLES, LOSSES AND TRIUMPHS WITH THIS HORRIBLE DISEASE KNOWN AS COPD.
     I JUST HOPE I AM AS STRONG AND BRAVE AS YOU HAVE BEEN AND STILL ARE WITH
YOUR FIGHT AGAINST THIS HORRIBLE COPD.
     I KNOW THAT MY LIFE IS NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME AGAIN, BUT BEING
RAISED A YOUNGBLOOD YOU ARE TAUGHT TO BE A FIGHTER AND NOT TO EVER GIVE UP.
BUT THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I WANT TO GIVE UP, BUT THEN I HEAR MY DADDY (WHO
DIED IN 1974) SAYING TO ME YOU ARE STRONG AND YOU CAN DO THIS AND WIN.  ANY
WAY I'M GOING TO GIVE IT ONE HELL OF A TRY.
     THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR WEB SIGHT.  IT GIVES ME AND OTHERS HOPE
THAT WE DO STILL HAVE, HOPEFULLY WITH HARD WORK AND THE GRACE OF GOD MANY
MORE YEARS ON THIS EARTH TO ENJOY OUR FRIENDS, FAMILY AND SO I CAN ENJOY MY
BOYS.  MY LIFE MAY BE ALOT SLOWER NOW AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH MY
FRIENDS, BUT I AM NOT GOING TO JUST GIVE UP WITH OUT A FIGHT.  I WILL FIGHT
TILL MY DYING BREATH, BESIDES I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MY BOYS.
     I SINCERELY HOPE AND PRAY THAT YOU WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT AND WIN OVER
THIS AWFUL DISEASE.  MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND I WISH I HAD BEEN AS LUCKY
AS YOU TO HAVE FOUND SOMEONE AS WONDERFUL AS YOUR DONALD.
     MAY GOD BE WITH YOU AND BLESS YOU MANY MANY MORE WONDERFUL YEARS WITH
YOUR FAMILY.
     THANK YOU AGAIN FOR SHARING YOUR BATTLES WITH THIS DISEASE.
SINCERELY,
SARA JANE YOUNGBLOOD



Just another COPDer Story


Wednesday October 20, 2000

Just something to think about

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness...you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture,
or the pangs of starvation...you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more
blessed than three billion people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes onyour back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep...you are richer
than 75% of this world.

 If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish some place, you are among the top
8% of the world's wealthy.

 If your parents are still alive and still married...you are very rare, even in the United States.

 If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful...you are blessed because the
majority can, but most do not.

 If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and pass this along to remind
others how fortunate we all are.

Oscar Arnold Jr passed on Sunday September 24, 2000
George Joughin passed on Sunday September 24, 2000
Judy White passed on Monday September 25, 2000
Moe Butts passed on WednesdaySeptember 27, 2000
Helen Burke passed on Friday September 29, 2000
Pamela Strickland passed on Saturday Sept 30, 2000

    Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 16:00:23 -0600
   From: Storm <stormcloud@USWEST.NET>

I see the postings on smokers and non smokers and one disease versus another disease and I can't help but feel the hurt and suffering that so many of us go through daily. The question, why me? The loneliness that we all feel. I hear the cry of why aren't there enough donors to go around so that my friends don't have to die, so that I don't have to die?

I don't feel that it is selfish to want to live, nor is it wrong to cry out in anguish and hurt, to the only people who really understand your cry, your hurt. We live in a time of non-caring. At time when " I can drop a quarter in the blind mans can but I cannot stop to hear his story". We are all out of the real mainstream of life and our "friends" have gone on without us. We are told to wait and hold to a hope that is so tenuous that we are afraid that if we blink at the wrong moment all will be lost. If we can find someone to hear our story we pour it out like water cascading down a waterfall, only to find when we are done with the telling, the listener got lost along the way and never really understood what we were saying. Sometimes even we do not hear our friends cry correctly, and take it for an insult rather than a cry of anguish.

I hear your cries my friends and so does our God. May he hold each of you in his hand this day and bring you peace and comfort He knows how true your heart is and judges not your anguish badly.   Storm

***


Linda Higbee passed on Monday October 2, 2000
Marilyn A. Taylor passed  on Monday October 2, 2000

Wednesday October 18, 2000
JUST DO WHAT YOU KNOW!

News commentator Paul Harvey (February 9, 1981) related a story which took place during the Carter administration. Evidently, daughter Amy Carter needed help with homework. It was Friday and the
assignment, a question about the Industrial Revolution, was due on Monday. Neither Amy nor her
mother quite understood the question, so mother Rosalyn asked a White House aide to run the question
by the Labor Department.
Sunday afternoon a truck pulled up at the White House loaded with a computer printout. Someone
assumed the president needed the information urgently, so the Labor Department assigned a team to
work all weekend to prepare the documents.
When Rosalyn learned that the research had cost hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars she was
horrified! But Amy went ahead and used the information to complete her homework.
On that homework assignment, by the way, Amy got a "C." (Does that say something about the quality
of information they gathered?)
I see a parable here. You and I also possess a "truckload" of information. We have spent a lifetime
gathering data about even the smallest aspects of our lives. But, in the end, it's what we DO with all of
that information that matters.
My own life can improve significantly if I simply take what I already know and APPLY it. I know how
to forgive, for example, yet I am slow to do it. I know how to love, when to be patient and how to share generously. But I don't always do these things.
Most of the time I even know how to be happy. I bet that you do, too. And I also know that if I habitually
do those things which I know will bring happiness, I will not be disappointed.
I believe most of us know what to do; we simply have to do what we know! A full and happy life does
not result from merely getting more information. It is a product of daily application!

Patsy Ruff passed on Saturday October 21, 2000
Subject:  Patsy Ruff an Angel
    Date: Sun, 22 Oct 2000 17:47:32 -0400
   From: Michigan Suzie <bikerchick11@JUNO.COM>

Patsy Ruff died yesterday at the age of 56.  Patsy was transplanted (Lung) in April of 87 by Dr Joel Cooper in Toronto Canada, she was about 43 at that time, she was most likely one of the oldest survivors of a double lung transplant. Patsy had no insurance, and raised all her monies in the Walmart parking lots here in our city of Montgomery AL. Her declining health in the past 3 years was not noticable, she continued to breathe really
well. But her kidneys began to fail 3 years ago,and she was on the kidney machine 3 times a week which made
her very ill. On our news last night, we learned of her death.  She was on Dr Coopers first 6 double lung transplants, two of those six were alphas, one living in Texas died about two years ago, and the other is
 still living.  These were the heroes, they went where no had really ever gone before, prior to transplant,
Patsy had daily pulmonary rehab and when she left for Toranto a friend went with her to be with her during
the wait, and that wait was not very long, the morning after her transplant, her doctor from here in
Montgomery was at her bedside, thrilled that she had come through so good, off the vent, the next day
our TV coverage of her walking the halls of the hospital there was a wonderful site, Patsy worked for The American Lung Association for almost 9 years, and talked to folks who were considering a transplant no
matter where they lived, she was a wonderful speaker, who spent these years, in high schools telling the
kids not to smoke, when she told her story, she would get to one point, in the story, and always had to
stop, as a lump came in her throat and she had to wait a minute to continue, but she finished her
story with a smile, and gave all the miracles to God, she was a very strong believe in God.  When Barnes
reached there 100th lung transplant she was there for the celebration. She played the piano at her church.



Subject:  Jen's visit to Hospital Administrator
"ONE OF MANY TRUE EXPERIENCES IN THE LIFE OF A COPD PATIENT"
    Date:  Mon, 23 Oct 2000 22:51:09 -0400
   From: Jen and Sandy <sandy@WARWICK.NET>

Hi friends,

First of all Sandy is coming home tomorrow, the case worker has arranged for a visiting nurse to come home to access him and to make any arrangements needed. A hospital bed and a walker will also be delivered home tommorrow. He is in good spirits and looking forward to leaving this despicable place and coming home to my home cooking.
Well the big day arrived. I went down to the administrators office and was warm heartedly greeted by his secretary who showed me into a waiting room where I waited something like 5 seconds and in he came. He led
me into his office and sat me down at a huge boardroom like table, the patients advocate was sitting there with him like his bodyguard.  I handed him my letter and asked him( very nicely ) to read it. Once read he said '' Where do you want to go from here? '' I was dumbfounded. I replied that I had no intention of sueing the
hospital or anything of that kind, but I wanted the assurance that if my husband was ever admitted here again that all that I had written would never and I repeat never happen again. I added that I thought my husband would never be coming here again anyway. He asked if that mean't that he would be going to another hospital
and I replied no, he will probably die. (I only said that to be real nasty) It's the nearest hospital and under the circumstances the safest place to go. He was very nice and said that things of this nature do happen as isolated cases, but that it was understandable my aggravation  with so many of them. He turned to the patients advocate and said that a red flag must be placed on Mr Adler's medical sheet so that when/if he was admitted again
nothing like this would happen. He also told me that if anything ever happens again I should immediatelycontact the patients advocate and she would organise everything. I was satisfied with what he said, and thanked him
and was about to leave. But I couldn't resist one more thing. So I told him that on the night Sandy was admitted to the hospital, I had cut myself badly in the morning, but as I had no health insurance I had not gone to the ER, but after arriving there and stabilising my Sandy his doctor had seen the blood on my hand seeping through the bandage and had insisted on looking at it and convinced me to have 4 stitches and a shot. Three days later I received a bill for $750 , he immediately turned to the P.Advocate and said we can take care of that bill. Thats is the moment I nearly blew my top. I said just a moment I want to tell you the whole story. When i got the bill I called the hospital to tell them that I thought that was an exhorbitant price to pay for 10 mins attention I had, 1 hour later I got a phone call to say they had knocked off $300 from the bill. He turned to the patients advocate and asked what had happened and she replied there was a mistake made and they had charged me twice.
He repeated that they would take care of the bill. I shaked his hand and thanked him and left.
I then went home and started calling our 02 supplier to arrange for the hospital bed to be delivered to my house before Sandy is discharged tomorrow morning. Another saga. the 02 supplier said that they had no orders for it, they called the doctors office and were told that the hospital would have to give the order. So I called the hospital and asked to talk to the Patients advocate, I got her voice mail left message and 10 mins went by no returncallled the operator again and said I wanted her paged and I would wait, they tried again to get me to hang up, but no way. I stuck to my guns and said I have already spoken to the hospital administrator this morning about other problems and was told to contact her immediately if any problems occured. I was passed to the supervisor, who paged her again. She answered the phone and said she would deal with it. Meantime I called our HMO who had already authorised the home nurse but no bed. She called back and said that the case manager had gone home who was dealing with it. I told her she either organised something immediately, or I would get in my car and be back in the Adminsitrator office in 10 minutes. I then called the Drs office and spoke directly to our Doctor who assued me that he had spoken to Linare (02 supplier) 20 minutes ago and that bed had been arranged.
So to all you lovely people out there, if you ever have any problems in the hospital or anywhere
else come to think of it, go to the top man/women, and insist you don't want to see any middleman/woman.
My Sandy has had excellent care from then on and will continue to do so otherwise they will be hearing from me again. My only regret that I didn't do this years ago when it all started. I bet there are many caregivers out there who might one day be in similar position and I hope this will help them.
Thank you to all my friends who supported so well the other night. I'll be back soon

Love Jen xxx
 
 



Tuesday October 24, 2000
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead
in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ~ ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or
struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the
world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella. And you realize in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you; and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you're not perfect, that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are, and that's okay. (They're entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself; and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the expected.  You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you; and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own, and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.  You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties; and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born
of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all that you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a
marriage; the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.  You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.  You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into your life to begin with; and in the process you
learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing; and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.  You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone
era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.  You learn to
distinguish between guilt, and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries, and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and the familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes.  You learn that just
as people grow and change, so it is with love and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms just to make you happy. And, you learn that being alone does not mean you are lonely. And you look
in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10, and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."  You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. And that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want
and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.  You come to the realization that you deserve to be
treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect; and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his/her touch and in the process you internalize the meaning of
self-respect.  And you learn that your body really is your temple, and you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that for the most part,
in life you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.  You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk
asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time. FEAR
itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you
don't always get what you think you deserve; and that sometimes-bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things.  You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing
to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state ~ the ego. You learn negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you, and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls.  You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple
things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by
yourself; and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point
to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and with Spirit by your side you take a stand; you take a deep breath, (as best you can) and you begin to design the life that you want to live as best as you can.
Dick Yeager passes on Tuesday October 24, 2000
Dorly 'Dee' Phillips passed on Thursday October 26, 2000

Thursday October 26, 2000
Well, I don't really know where to begin as so much has happened.  First I want to really thank all who
wrote and wished me well and said they would pray for me.  I very much thank you all as they have lifted
my spirits in a much depressed time in my life. I will be off-line for awhile as I need to recoop.
So I will just spit out events as they happened (as best as I can remember)
Late yesterday I came home from the hospital after being there since noon on Sunday.
During all that time I was on IV's and a liguid diet and mass antibiotics.
Diverticulosis is not a fun experience.  Every bowel movement brings on a toxic shock happening followed
by cold chills and tremors.  If you think COPD zaps your energy add to it another disease that further
depletes your energy.  I now am allowed to eat and no longer on my liquid diet.  But, only certain foods
equal to stage one baby foods.  And only certain fruits and vegetables and meats.
The diet is depressing and unfulfilling in more than one way.  With the exaustion of it all, I fell asleep on
the couch last night to be close to Ms. Boo who had missed me terriblely while I was gone, according to Don.
I had also missed her a lot. We fell asleep with her on the floor by the side of the couch.
I woke up around 7:30 this morning to the smell of doggie poop.  I looked down at the floor by the side of
the couch and Ms. Boo was loosing all body fluids.

She passed away a little after 8 this morning and I am sure that if Don and I had not been so concerned
about my health this past week, we should have seen some new signs.  We knew it was going to come as
she was almost 16 years old.
I think that she did wait until I came home from the hospital to die.  She must have wanted me with her.
 She will be dearly missed as she has been a wonderful companion, friend,  and nurse.
I feel blessed to have been loved and cared for by her for the brief span of time we had together.
In my heart I still see fields of wildflowers with a little white pup frolicking with the joy of living.
Good bye My sweet Ms. Boo Gwynne, untill we meet again.



Saturday October 28, 2000
Subject: REFLECTIONS
          Date: Sat, 28 Oct 2000 14:51:40 -0400
         From: OLIVIJA GWYNNE <o2@olivija.com>
 Organization:   http://www.megalink.net/~dale/olivija.html ,
                http://www.olivija.com/lungs,
                http://www.olivija.com/SMOKERSPRAYER/ ,
                http://www.olivija.com/SmokeNoMore/
            To: SECONDWIND@HOME.EASE.LSOFT.COM,  COPD@HOME.EASE.LSOFT.COM

For quite a while now I have been wondering if some of us also deteriorate 'differently' from the
disease of COPD.  I am not talking here of rate or progression of deterioration of this disease.
That is a given.  I am talking deterioration of other organs besides lungs, that are associated with
having COPD.  I know some suffer oxygen deprivation and some have short term memory
loss.  This is at the beginning of a real problem here for me.  How about those thin skinned bruised
areas.  The skin is an organ.  No I do not, will not, never have taken prednisone. Yet there are
those ugly purple spotches on that ugly wrinkled skin.  I have kidney problems.  I now have
digestive and Bowel problems.  I have always eaten  if not enough, at least well and healthy.
I always had better than 20/20 vision.  I mean at one time I could spot a yard sale sign from a
car moving at 55 mph from several blocks away.  (In time to slow down and stop to check it out)
 Now I use thick glasses and sometimes plus a magnifying glass.  And of course there is always the
heart.  Because we do not move oxygen efficiently through our blood to feed our muscles, the
heart (a muscle) works overtime and harder to do it's job and help us breath.  Bringing on
perhaps stroke or heart attack long before we expire from COPD.  What I am trying to say
here is:  It isn't just the lungs or lung volume usage that is deteriorating (at different levels for
each of us) It also is other bodily organs.
I have no medical facts to back up this statement.  I do on the other hand have evidence of this
by living in the deteriorating body.  It is like living on a sliding board.  You slide down another time
and hit the ground.  You pick yourself up and go around to the stairs and try to climb back to your
former self, never knowing when the next slide will occur.  I have never heard a doctor speak on this.
 In fact I don't remember any doctor saying too much about any aspects of what to expect about this
disease.  I have learned a heck of a lot by living it, though.  How many of you have had thoughts
along this line.  Let's have some discussion on this please.But, I'm only 59 and what I'm experiencing
and inquiring about is a non-age related issue, I believe, (unless of course, you are an advanced age.)
Now genetics does play a big part in who deteriorates at what rate of speed.  My deterioration is so
severe that often (NOT SOMETIMES) when Don and I are out together we get mistaken for mother
and son. (So, I don't like to go out often, anymore.)
I know some have other organs besides lungs breaking down and they are doing so at different rates.
Therein lies the reason for my request for discussion.
If you have some thoughts on this, please write to me here < corpse@olivija.com>

"Like the sunshine touches the rose, You have touched me, and I have grown."

Your friend in Pa.
Olivija



Subject:  MY HOSPITAL STAY
          Date:  Sun, 29 Oct 2000 12:11:18 -0500
         From:  OLIVIJA GWYNNE <o2@OLIVIJA.COM>

Well, I promised you a report on this hospital stay.  So, here it is.  I entered ER shortly after noon of last
Sunday.  They did blood work, stuck in IV and heart monitors and blood ox monitor.  By 7 o'clock they told
me no solid food and they wanted to admit me and monitor me for several days on a liquid diet and with blood work every 6 hours.  Since my doctor for this is a gastro-intestinal doctor and new to me he did not know all
my pulmonary needs.  I told him the only way I would stay was if I got to keep my own ultrasonic nebulizer
with me, and I got put in a private room where no one else's pefumes, lotions, etc. or their guest would bother me.  I have (MCS) Multiple Chemical Sensitivityas another weight around y neck.  The room also needed a
fan to circulate the air for me.  I need air to be moving in the room I am in.  I also need a cot or sleeping chair where my husband could stay there with me.  He said he would see what he could do.  Of course after this
little visit he moved on in his work routine, and wasn't around to verify a darn thing.  Around 8:30 they finely found me a room.  They rolled me up to the third floor from ground floor ER.  As we came into the room I saw
it was already occupied with another patient/room mate.  I told the aide to roll me back to the emergency room as I was not staying.  She did so, and ER got all upset and told me they would keep looking and find me a room. And for me not to leave.  Took them about an hour and I had my room with a nice padded chair that made into a bed for Don.  They even brought in a bi-pap machine for me.  The pharmacy never brought up any of my
regular pulmonary meds the entire time I was in the hospital.  Fortunately I had my 7 day pill keeper in my purse.  I just kept my mouth shut and took my meds as needed.
Next day Respiratory Therapy Department came in to give me a Neb. treatment and wanted to know what
neb schedule I was on.  I told them I was on a as needed basis.  Sometimes twice a day.  Sometimes 8 times a
day.  Or more often even on some days.  She said they could come back every hour if I wanted but, I could not keep my ultra-sonic in my room and treat myself. (who do they think does it at home?)
Well, I don't even argue anymore cause, it hurts me and makes me loose energy to get stressed.  And they
don't even think about what it is doing to you. They don't have any idea in God's green world what it really is like to be a pulmonary patient.  What the hell are they doing working as a Respiratory Therapist in the first place?
To really be efficent as a RT it seems to me you have to walk first in your patients shoes.  How else can you know what life is like for them? BUMMER!!!!
I just told her fine.  I'm going home cause,  I will have my neb with me always and if not here, then at home is
fine with me.  She just looked at me with her gaping mouth with nothing to say after that.
After she left Don said, "What now?"  I just said we "wait and see"
A couple of hours later My pulmonary doctor, who is head of Pulmonary dept. at this hospital, and the RT come in.  He says "What's the problem?"  I say "I have no problem, I'm just going to use my neb in this room, when I want it, and I am not going to wait to get it, or I'm going home"  He turns to the RT and says "I don't have a problem with that, Do you?"  She starts to say something but, doesn't.  He then says to her "That's all then"  as
he dismisses her.
He then asked me if everything else was all right.  I told him "Well, now that you mention it, Hell no, everything
is not allright.   Every time I have to come to this hospital, I go through this routine and about a single room.
It is stressful to say the least.  Could you just ok it in my hospital computer records.  Because of my MCS that
I require a single room,So it doesn't happen again."
He says "Good Idea."  He agrees and says he is keeping staff waiting and to hurry and get better.
I was also on mass doses of two anti-biotics by IV while there, and pharmacy missed
sending up two of them (the nurses say)  Anyway that was one of the deciding factors by my GI doctor,
for me to come home and continue taking my mass anti-biotics by mouth.  At least I would be assured of getting them.  I will not go in a hospital and stay anymore without someone I know in there with me.
Please everyone, stay on top of all treatment you are suppose to receive in a hospital.
You also (I now find) can get what you need in a hospital setting, within reason by pre arrangement with your doctor, prior to hospitalization. AND A CARING LOVED ONE WITH YOU KEEPING UP WITH YOUR TREATMENT.  I write this in just Knowing that information given will help eliminate undue stress in others.

I would like to state that I do not feel this is an isolated incident at this hospital.  Due to dwnsizing and cost cuts
and less professionals and more hourly workers on board.  The quality of care has declined drastically.
Please everyone Guard your Health like it was Gold.
In reality it is much more valuable and much harder to protect. (ALL THINGS CONSIDERED)



Sunday October 30, 2000
Many people know that I do not, will not, can not take prednisone.  They can't understand how I can exist
with advanced COPD/Emphysema and not use it.  They also ask me, if I don't use it how do I get through those
times of breathlessness??? Just how do I handle my extreme exacerbations???

Well, here is my answer.

First of all we know that we are all different.  Every part of us is different.  Even to how we think and compile
our data to make our decisions.  Well, Olivija has always thought her own way and done things her own way.
But in all fairness I have to say I act on my data after I have gathered from many sources and given each source
it's proper consideration.  Then I disregard some information and I keep some.  According to my own logic.  We all
have our own 'different' logic meters we opperate from.  This is how I came to my conclusion about predisone.
  I have known friends and relatives in the past, who have used it for diseases they had and they did not improve,
they had more complications occur.  They just kept having  more and more go wrong.  That was all long ago when I
was a young woman. I just put it out of my mind since I was at that time young, healthy and endestructive.
Then when I got COPD I had a pulmonary doctor suggest it to me when I was complaining of shortness of breath
at a office visit.  I declined it because of what I remembered from my friends in the past.  In the following years
I continued to refuse it, even though I used the nebulizer more than I should at such 'short of breath times.
  Some of my tools for survival are to just sit down and close my eyes and relax completely.  Slowing the fingers
down. Then I slow the hand down, then the arm, the feet, the leg, the tummy muscles, the chest, the heart, the
neck the face, the mind.  I am busy with my mind slowing down the works so that I will not focus on being short
of breath.  I try to concentrate at that point on just one item.  What I think of is a nice set of PINK LUNGS.
You might want to think of anything that is peaceful to you.
It probably will surprise you all to know that I do not take any anxiety, or depression pills either.
I have tried those on several occasions.  But, in the long run I have found that vitamin B-12
the stress vitamin works for me.  Remember we are all different.  I am only relating here what works for me.
I also have faith in a higher power.  I use all this to pull me through.  I do ask my God for a lot of help when I
become overwhelmed with it all. Fortunately I know he will always be there for all of us.  And never moreso then
at the final hour when we close the door to live as we know it on this plane.  We then will open a door to a new life
that will not have you and I entrapped in these disease-ridden bodies with the useless dried up old lungs.
I know not what great joys await me in the next world, but I do know it will be without the entrapments
of this body.
The prednisone I decided in February or 1995 for sure that I would never take again.  Yes I took it then.   It was
when I had my LVRS.  I was in a drugged state and they took advantage of me and gave me prednisone when
I was stoned and happy. I didn't know what I was doing, I just gobbled them up.  Well it was only 10 mg I think.
But it took a month to get off it.  It was hell for me.  I also feel because of all I have read about them that if
 you never take it, YOU WILL find some way to recover from the short of breath happening of the moment.
 The more you take it the more short of breath episodes you will have in the future.  People who are taking it
should read and educate themselves as to what they are doing to themselves.  I know there are those out there
that have to take it because of immuno-suppressant reasons, and so far there is nothing else available.
And then there are others that feel they just can't make it without prednisone.  That's fine.  That's OK.
I just would like to see that you really do know the consequences for taking it before you develop complications,
or a new disease down the road.  Prednisone, any way you slice it, is a trade off.  You have to educate yourself
to even know if it is worth the trade for you.
"Check it out before you give it the chance to take you out"



November 2000
(The entire month in a paragraph or two)
This has been a very uneventful month in my life, The entire month passed uneventful, except for one thing.  My best
friend, my love, my nurse, my guard, my pal, my familiar, my joy died at my feet, looking at me like please do something
and I could do nothing and I felt so hopeless and useless and guilty because I could do nothing to prevent what was occuring.
I watched as she lost all her body fluids.  As that look came into her eyes that said I didn't mean to do that.  I'm so sorry.
Even the saliva in her mouth fell away.  Oh how I hate death!  It is a robber.  It steals the ones we love and leaves us
with holes in our very being.  I am damaged forever because I have lost the very best, truest companion I have ever had.
 How long will it take me to get over the loss of Ms. Boo.
The only other new thing in my life, that brings concern is the new diagnoisis of Diverticulitis.  It is an ongoing occurance
that will continue like the COPD, just another weight thrown into my boat, to sink the ship.  But, here I stand, doing
all I can to stay afloat. If you want to know about Diverticulitis.


A STORY OF FOUR WIVES !

Once upon a time...there was a rich King who had four wives.  He loved the fourth wife the most and adorned her
with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies.  He gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the third wife very much, and he was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared
that one day she would leave him for another.

He also loved his second wife. She was his confidante and was always kind, considerate, and patient with him. Whenever
the King faced a problem, he could confide in her to help him get through the difficult times.

The King's first wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom.
However, he did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the King fell ill, and he knew his time was short.  He thought of his luxurious life and pondered, "I now have
four wives with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.  Thus, he asked the fourth wife, "I have loved you the most,
endowed you with the finest clothing, and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and
keep me company?" "Absolutely not!" replied the fourth wife, and she walked away without another word. Her
answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.

The sad King then asked the third wife, "I have loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No," replied the third wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to remarry!" His heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the second wife, "I have always turned to you for help, and you've always been there for me.  When I die, will you follow
me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time," replied the second wife.  "At the very most, I can only send you to
your grave." Her answer came like a bolt of thunder, and the King was devastated.

Then a voice called out. "I'll leave with you and follow you no matter where you go." The King looked up, and there was his first wife.
She was so sad and thin, she looked half-starved. Greatly grieved, the King said, "I should have taken much better care of you when I had
the chance."

In truth, we all have four wives in our lives: Our fourth wife is our body.  No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look
good, it'll leave us when we die.

Our third wife is our possessions, status, and wealth. When we die, it will all go to others.

Our second wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to
the grave.

And our first wife is our soul, often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power, and pleasures of the ego. However, our soul is the only thing
that will follow us wherever we go. So cultivate, strengthen, and cherish it now!  It IS your greatest gift to offer the world.



David Cloud passed on Saturday November 18, 2000

About Thanksgiving !
Be Thankful This Holiday Season

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead
and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish
someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more
blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture,
or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest,
torture, or death, you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

If your parents are still alive and still married, you are very rare, even in the United States.

If you hold your head up with a smile on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can offer healing touch.

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore
you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.
Please count your blessings and have a happy holiday season!



Felicitas "Lizette" Ocampo passed on Sunday December 3, 2000



Nancy Voyles Update: Right Lung transplant(tx)at Vanderbelt-November 6, 2000.  She returned to the
 hospital Monday November 11, 2000 for a bronc and was re admitted later that day for an infection.
Nanc passed away around 12:45 p.m. today due to complications.


Nancy Voyles passed on Monday December 4, 2000


Born 4-3-34 in San Antonio Texas, Virgie smoked for 40 years , she was
dianosed in 1-2-98 with COPD an quite smoking on 3-3-98.

Virgie Kester passed on Monday December 21, 2000

With daughter Vickie


Well I live in Shadow Hills, it is in the San Fernando Valley. It is a quiet little town away from the bigger ones
and filled with Hoarse people.  I am 29 and Always had a Bike then led to Motorcycles, I did ride Hoarse with
my Mom but as you know a Motorcycle is where it's at, I loved it. I stared on a Honda 70 to a 80 Raced that at
Indian Dunes if you remember that, Near Magic Mountain?? Than spent a lot of time in the Desert on a 125. On a
Saturday a buddy and I were ridding looking over a marked coarse and I crashed breaking my Femur (compound)
and my wrist. I got knocked a little dizzy with a minor concussion, Thank goodness for a full face helmet.
Because my leg was bleeding a bit I was flown out in a Helicopter and it took about a week before I was up on
crutches, I had a Rod put inside the bone so I wouldn't have to be in a body cast. After a bout a year I was training
on a Mountain Bike and was getting ready to Buy another Bike.  I was in school to be a Paramedic and developed
a bad Cough and it just never went away, I didn't know anything about CF. I knew I had it I was diagnosed when
I was 14 but didn't have any problems until I was 22. I figured it would pass and It developed into Pneumonia and
then I was told how my Life was going to go, treatments etc. It was a big blow, I was working full time, had a new
Truck, had a Girlfriend, was moving out of my parents, and it all crashed on me.  To top it off I found out I also
developed Diabetes. So with my willing to live and my attitude, and great Family I can do it. I want to be as well as
possible and anything else is not acceptable. I have a lot of dreams I want to see come true I will just have to get
them a little different than the next person.  Now I still work on my cars from time to time and have projects in
the Garage. Working out and staying as Healthy as I can. My Dad and I just restored a 24 Foot Deep-V boat that
took some time  it was fun.
Have a great weekend and I will send you a picture of me on my bike giving my Dad thumb's up!..take care Dennis:)
Dennis Weber passed on Friday December 22, 2000

 
        Rachel LALouie passed on Sunday December 24, 2000

 
Gary Carter passed on Sunday December 24, 2000

 
James Sherman passed on Saturday December 30, 2000



December 2000
The last couple of months, I did not keep my journal as up to date as I should have.  My energy level has drained considerablely. but I do want to
make note here of a few facts. I suddenly realized that this is the best part of my life, ever!

There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today; but I did! And because I did I'm going to celebrate!

Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the
hardships because they have served to make me stronger.  To make me who I am Today.

I will go through this day with my head held high, and a happy heart.

I will marvel at God's seemingly simple gifts: the morning dew, the sun, the clouds, the trees, the flowers, the birds. Today, none of
these miraculous creations will escape my notice, or my thanks.

Today, I will share my excitement for life with other people. I'll make someone smile. I'll go out of my way to perform a random act
of kindness for someone I don't even know. (YET!)

Today, I'll give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. I'll tell a child how special he is, and I'll tell someone I love just how
deeply I care for them and how much they mean to me.

Today is the day I quit worrying about what I don't have and start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has already given me.

I'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God and his Divine Plan ensures everything will be just fine.

Tonight, before I go to bed, I'll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens. I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon,
and I will praise God for these magnificent treasures. ( Well maybe I'll just look out the window, instead of going out in the cold)

As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow, I will thank the Almighty for the best day of my life. And I will sleep the sleep of a
contented child, excited with expectation because I know tomorrow is going to be ......

The Best Day Of My Life!



 

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